


And I Love You, Irregardless

by xrebelwithacausex



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Arranged Marriage, Battle of Five Armies - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/M, Fake Marriage, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fíli and Kíli Are Little Shits, Fíli and Kíli Brotherly Love, Kíli Is a Little Shit, Kíli-centric, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Battle of Five Armies, Protective Fíli, Unrequited Love, dad thorin, everybody is an emotional trainwreck, if you listen closely you can hear my need for friendship being indulged, literally nobody can control their emotions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 34,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24582886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xrebelwithacausex/pseuds/xrebelwithacausex
Summary: Kíli and Tauriel have been dancing around their feelings for a while now, neither ready to make the first move. Luckily - or unluckily - for them, the first move is thrust upon them in a completely unexpected way
Relationships: Arwen Undómiel & Elrond Peredhel, Bilbo Baggins & Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo Baggins & Thorin's Company, Dís & Fíli & Kíli & Thorin Oakenshield, Dís & Fíli & Kíli (Tolkien), Dís & Thorin Oakenshield, Fíli & Gimli (Son of Glóin) & Kíli, Fíli & Kíli & Thorin Oakenshield, Fíli & Kíli (Tolkien), Fíli (Tolkien)/Sigrid (Hobbit Movies), Gimli (Son of Glóin) & Glóin, Glóin/Glóin's Wife, Kíli (Tolkien)/Tauriel (Hobbit Movies), Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 116
Kudos: 116





	1. changed

Things were finally going back to normal. But what is normal, really? When you leave your comfortable life in a village to reclaim your homeland, only to nearly die -  _ twice _ \- and suddenly find yourself truly a prince of a dwarrow kingdom,  _ normal _ seems to lose all meaning for you.

So not normal, then. But things were settling into a routine that could very well become normal, Kíli realized as he fastened a belt around his waist, holding his blue tunic together as he stood in front of the gilded mirror in his new chambers. He disapprovingly eyed his freshly combed hair, but managed to resist the urge to rake his fingers through it.

“Kíli?” Fíli poked his head in through the door. “Are you ready?”

“What do you think of my hair?” he asked distractedly, turning his head to view it better from the side. Fíli looked at his brother curiously.

“It’s fine. Why do you ask?” Kíli took another look in the mirror before turning to face his brother.

“I don’t know. It feels...wrong,” he said, this time unable to stop himself from running his fingers through the thick brown strands.

“It’s just that it’s actually combed for the first time since we left home,” Fíli scolded. “Here, let me,” he moved to where his brother stood and ran the comb through his hair until it was smooth and silky once more. Then he sat on the bed.

“Come,” 

Kíli obeyed mindlessly, sitting on the floor in front of his brother like he had done countless times before. As Fíli’s deft fingers worked their way through his hair, braiding familiar patterns into it, Kíli had a sudden memory, so sharp he inhaled with the nostalgia it brought. The coarse wooden floor in front of his bed back home, floorboards worn with how many times he’d sat in this exact position, looking up at the too-low roof that would brush against his head. He looked up at the cavernous ceiling, blinking the memories away.

“Do you remember?” he asked softly. Fíli’s fingers’ stilled for a moment as a sigh escaped him.

“Of course,” he said, though Kíli had already known the answer. He sank back down, leaning into the bed, and let his brother’s nimble fingers lace his hair into the intricate dwarrow braids, braids fit for a prince of Erebor. The air between them was thick with tension and unsaid conversations. Kíli bit his lip, unable to bear the silence.

“I can’t believe it’s been two weeks,” he said, breaking the suffocating quiet.

“I know,”

Two weeks was a long time. Two weeks for Uncle Thorin to be teetering on the brink of death, for Lord Elrond to work his magic, for Kíli to explore Erebor in order to squash all memories of the horrendous battle. 

Kíli had thought he had seen battle. He thought he knew pain and fear and hopelessness. He was utterly wrong. The Battle of the Five Armies, as it had been dubbed, had taken everything in him and more. Memories flashed through his mind, each more gruesome than the last. Kíli grimaced, sure that he’d never get those blood-curdling screams out of his mind. 

As if in answer, Fíli rested a hand on his brothers’ shoulder, stroking his neck with his thumb the way he did when Kíli would come crying to him after a bad day. As he got older, the crying became less frequent, but he was never too old to be a little brother. Kíli leaned into his brothers’ touch, closing his eyes to the world around him, and for a moment, he could almost believe he was back at home and his mother was going to call them down for supper any minute. 

But that fantasy was shattered all too soon, with the stone cold floor so different from the wooden floorboards at home, and the stiff blue tunic so different from the loose brown ones he would wear back at the village.

“How do you feel,” he murmured. “ about being a prince of Erebor?”

“We always were,” Fíli reminded him.

“Yes, but before, it was just a title. Now,” he gestured vaguely with his hand at the general splendor. “Now it means something,”

“It’ll definitely mean something tonight,” Fíli sighed. “We’ll go check on Uncle once we’re ready. I still think he’s not ready for a feast,”

Kíli snorted. “Uncle has been dying to throw the feast for ten days. It’s a miracle Lord Elrond managed to keep him in bed and out of harm,”

“Well, now we know where you get it from,” Fíli teased. Kíli rolled his eyes. 

“I wasn’t  _ that _ bad,” he grumbled.

Fíli gave him a deadpan stare. “No, not at all. We only had to drug you once or twice a day to keep you from breaking your ribs again,”

Kíli snickered. “Fair point,” 

The two fell silent, Fíli twisting his brothers’ hair into braids, and Kíli lost in thought about the feast.

“Fíli?” Kíli asked.

“Mhmm?” he replied, not slowing his work.

“Remind me who’s coming tonight?”

Fíli let go of Kíli’s hair and started counting on his fingers. “There’s the Company, Gandalf, Glóin’s wife and kid, Mother, Bard and his family, Thranduil, Legolas, Elrond and his daughter, and Tauriel,” Sudden understanding dawned on Fíli’s face.

“So  _ that’s _ why you were worried about your hair,”

Kíli felt his face flush. “Shut up,” he hissed, but the endless teasing had begun.

“Your fair elf maiden, one of the first elves to set foot in Erebor.” he turned to his brother and smirked. “Are you  _ sure _ you look presentable enough?”

“For your information, I look  _ dashing _ ,” he retorted. Though he did straighten his collar right after, mentally cursing his brother.

“I’m sure Tauriel would agree,”

“Just shut up and braid my hair,” he groaned. Fíli obeyed, grinning beneath his beard. When the intricate patterns were finally finished, the two brothers stood up, stretching. Kíli opened his mouth to say something, but was rudely interrupted by Glóin throwing open the door.

“Mevana and Gimli are here!” he cried before dashing off towards the main hall. The two brothers looked at each other, mirth dancing between their gazes.

“Shall we go, then?” Fíli asked. Kíli smiled at his brother, warmth filling his heart as the two brothers left, arm in inseparable arm, to go find their uncle.

~~~

Kíli rapped his knuckles against the door. “Uncle?”

“Come in,” came a steady, deep voice from inside. Kíli slowly opened the door as he and Fíli entered, greeted by the welcoming sight of Thorin Oakenshield.

“My boys,” he said, a gruff smile hiding underneath his beard as he opened his arms.

“It’s great to see you up, Uncle,” Fíli said as he accepted the hug, carefully avoiding the newly-healed wound.

“You look wonderful,” Kíli agreed, and he wondered if his relief was as obvious as he thought it was. It’s not that he hadn’t  _ expected _ his uncle to make a full recovery, especially once Lord Elrond arrived, but knowing it and seeing it were two different things. Though he could just as easily have been talking about his attire. Thorin was dressed in magnificent green robes, the silver and gold threads interwoven at every possible opportunity. Of course, the highlight of it all was the magnificent crown resting on his freshly braided hair, jewels upon jewels inlaid in every crevice, a crown fit for any king of dwarrows. 

Kíli smiled. His uncle had never looked more majestic in his memory. He swooped into an exaggerated bow.

“My King,” he said. “Shall we go receive our guests?” Thorin lightly smacked him upside the head.

“Uncle,” he complained, rubbing his stinging scalp, but there was no malice in either his voice or the slap, or in his uncle’s hands as he pulled Kíli in for a hug. Kíli melted into his uncle’s embrace, reserved only for the rarest of occasions.

“Come,” Thorin said, offering an arm to each of his sister-sons. “Let us go meet our company,”

~~~

“My Lord Elrond, thank you for joining us,” Thorin said, graciously bowing to the Master of Rivendell. Elrond bowed in return.

“King Thorin,” he inclined his head to the lady on his arm. “Lady Arwen, of Rivendell. My daughter,”

Kíli bowed with his brother and uncle, and took her hand in turn.

“Lady Arwen,” he grasped her hand. “It is an honour,” he touched his heart. Lady Arwen curtseyed and smiled at Kíli, the intensity of her gaze causing even the dashing young prince to blush. Thorin cleared his throat. 

“If you would make your way to the dining hall?” he gestured at the door to his right.

“Of course, Your Highness,” Lord Elrond bowed again and took his daughters’ arm as the two made their way to the hall. Kíli gazed after them wistfully, wishing that he too could go to the dining hall and have a nice leg of mutton, or maybe chicken. Of course, those fantasies crumbled to dust when the door opened yet again to reveal Thranduil, Legolas, and Tauriel. 

His breath hitched as he laid eyes on Tauriel, and he was suddenly very aware of the braids in his hair, hoping that Fíli had not failed him tonight. Her burnished red hair flowed elegantly over her shoulders, the deep blue gown draped over her in a way her normal trousers never had. As she looked up at him, their eyes locked, and Kíli was uncomfortably aware of his unconscious confession when she was healing him

_ Do you think she could have loved me?  _ The words rattled in his brain, taunting him and his foolishness, but he managed to hide his grimace, if only to save face in front of her.

“My Lady,” Kíli bowed, biting his lip immediately as he realized he had forgotten to greet King Thranduil or Prince Legolas, but it was too late to rectify his mistake. The best he could do was greet the royal family like nothing had happened. Thranduil coldly accepted his greeting, barely nodding at him as he made his way to the doors. 

“I believe everyone is here,” Thorin said. 

“I believe so,” Fíli agreed. “Let us go in,”

_ Do you think she could have loved me? _ Kíli barely managed to conceal his sigh, praying to Mahal that she didn’t remember what he had confessed. That being said, he wasn’t going to risk an opportunity to talk to her. He gallantly offered his hand to Tauriel, praying she couldn’t feel his thrumming pulse.

“My Lady,” he bowed. “Please do me the honour of accompanying me?” He looked up, praying to Mahal that his hopefulness wasn’t visible. Tauriel smiled, and it took everything Kíli had in him to not stare at her.

“As you wish, Prince Kíli,” she curtseyed, then took his proffered hand. Kíli felt as though his heart would fly out of his body, but managed to keep his cool as first Thorin, then Fíli walked past them. Then they too started to make their way into the dining hall. 


	2. uncomfortable

_ Uncomfortable in your own skin. _ That was the term Tauriel had decided fit best. Uncomfortable with her own walk, with her hair, with everything she was. She thought she knew discomfort. She thought she knew stress. But nothing could have prepared her for the awkwardness of having dinner at Erebor.

As soon as she walked in, she was greeted by Kíli. Of  _ course  _ he would forget to greet Thranduil and Legolas first. When he greeted her first, and she saw Thranduil flex his hand behind his back, she sighed internally, mentally preparing herself for the earful she and Legolas would be subjected to when the dinner was over. She fiddled with the neckline of her gown, uncomfortably aware of Kíli’s overwhelming presence. Then he bowed in front of her, and she wished she could smack him. Did he not know better than to bow in front of a lowly captain? 

“Would you do me the honour of accompanying me?” he asked. She thought she could see a glint of hopefulness in his eyes, and the memory of his healing - normally tucked away into the back of her memory - resurfaced, the words echoing in her mind, shoving all her other thoughts away.

_ Do you think she could have loved me? _

She blinked, forcing the thought down long enough for her to accept.

“As you wish, Prince Kíli,” she curtseyed, hoping that would be enough to remind him of the difference in their social status. 

As she accepted his arm and made her way to the dining hall, she smelled roast chicken and potatoes. Suddenly, lunch seemed as though it was a long time ago, and she couldn’t help but smile in pleasure when she saw the huge plates piled with food. She sat down, only realizing after the fact that Kíli had given her the seat next to his, but at this point, she was too focused on the food to care.

Once King Thorin gave his customary opening address - did all dwarves give such long-winded, roundabout speeches? - Tauriel started to fill her plate with chicken, mutton, potatoes, and more. As she took a particularly lovely slice of meat, she caught the sound of Kíli’s stomach grumbling, and noticed he had not taken any food at all.

“What’s the matter, Prince Kíli?” she asked. “Why do you not eat?”

“It’s dwarrow tradition,” he explained. “As royalty, we must let everyone fill their plates before we start,”

Her hand flew up to her mouth as she cursed herself and her damned curiosity. “My apologies, Your Highness. I did not mean to offend,” 

Kíli’s mouth quirked. “Of course, my lady. None taken,”

Tauriel pressed her brows together. She had expected that by the time they were seated, she and Kíli would slip into some sort of informality. Yet here they were, speaking as though they had never met. The thought came with a strange pang of discomfort, but she quickly brushed it aside. What did it matter to her what Prince Kíli thought of her? If anything, it was probably best that they stayed away from such informalities, if only to help him move on from her. The thought should have comforted her, yet she found, going back to her grilled beef, that her appetite was somewhat lessened. She found herself tugging at the neckline of her dress again, and forced herself to keep her hands still. She picked up her fork again, working her way through the leg of mutton.

“So, Tauriel,”

She froze - hopefully not visibly - then turned to Kíli, whose easy smile, the one she hadn’t seen since before the battle, had returned.

“Your Highness?” she asked, lifting her fork to her mouth to eat another bite.

“What do you think of Erebor?”

She wanted to answer - truly, she did - but unfortunately, she had just taken another bite. Cursing her awkwardness, she lifted a finger and swallowed, hoping that she hadn’t offended him in any way. When she was able to speak again, she answered.

“It’s magnificent. Though I must confess, I’ve never been one for staying underground,”

Inwardly, she cringed as soon as the words left her mouth. Why would she say that? Kíli broke into a devilish grin, the same one he had worn when she had visited the prisoners in their cells.

“Oh dear me,” he winked. “Well, I suppose the presence of a certain  _ someone  _ must have helped you get over your fear, hmm?” 

Tauriel tried - and possibly failed, though she didn’t want to consider that - to swallow her smile.

“Your Highness,” she warned, hating herself for the mirth in her voice. Legolas, she knew, would have caught on to their conversation, even if he was sitting across the table, and with his tendency to jump to conclusions, she could only imagine what he would make of it.“I would not be so bold,”

“Well, who’s to stop me?” he asked. Tauriel looked down to hide her amusement, but when she looked up again, the young prince had started stuffing his plate with rice and chicken. She looked back down at her plate, focusing on her food instead so as not to risk offending him.  _ Would  _ talking to him be offensive? She had no knowledge of dwarven customs, especially not those of royalty, and as food seemed to be such an integral part of their culture, she decided to err on the side of caution and stay silent. As she continued to eat, she became uncomfortably aware of Kíli’s gaze settled on her. She attempted to ignore it, a task that became significantly more difficult as Prince Fíli acknowledged it.

“Stop staring,” he advised his brother under his breath.

“I wasn’t!” Kíli replied, though she felt his gaze tear away from her, and she exhaled. No doubt the conversation was meant to go unheard, but they seemed to have discounted the differences between elven and dwarven hearing. She lifted her eyes up, looking around the room for anything, anything to distract her. Unfortunately, her eyes locked with Legolas’, and the intensity of his gaze confirmed that he had heard the entire exchange. She dropped her gaze, going back to her dinner, and sighed, preparing herself for the lecture she would receive as soon as Legolas had a chance.

~~~

_ Do you think she could have loved me? _

That was the question she kept asking herself, the question seared permanently into the back of her mind, waiting for a moment of inattention - like now, with all the leaders giving over rehearsed speeches she had heard about a thousand times - in order to occupy her. Before, she wouldn’t have thought twice about saying no. But after, after she’d healed him and he’d said those fateful words, she wasn’t so sure. 

_ Could _ she? 

Or if she could, would she ever be able to? 

She dismissed the thoughts with a little shake of her head. Under the unthinkable circumstances that she did, nothing could ever come of it. Better to ignore it, find something else to occupy her time. She tried to focus on the speeches - King Thorin was finally wrapping up the last one - but found her mind wandering.

At long last, when King Thorin gave his concluding address and gave the word to socialize, she stood hurriedly, making her way over to the other side of the room, where Bard and his family sat. 

She wanted to avoid Legolas for a little while longer.

“Tauriel?” Bard said, standing up hastily. “What brings you here?”

_ The prince is making eyes at me and my own party is going to lecture me for hours when they find out, _ she thought.

Outwardly, she replied. “I wanted to see how you were doing after the battle, as well as congratulate you for your victory against the dragon Smaug,”

Bard smiled, looking down humbly. “T’was just luck,”

“Luck, indeed!” Sigrid cried. “You were marvellous, Da!” 

Tauriel smiled. “Yes, he was, wasn’t he?” she agreed. She turned to face Bain.

“And you, young warrior. How was your first battle?”

“It was awesome,” Bain said, like any boy his age would. But Tauriel wasn’t stupid. She could see the emptiness behind his eyes, the shock that would take longer than a couple of weeks to go away. She could hear the hollowness and the relief warring in his voice, and she wondered how many people he had watched die.

She placed her hand on his shoulder, trying to channel a warm, motherly feeling. “If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here,” she said. They locked eyes, and she could sense the relief in his eyes that comes with knowing that you do not have to put on a front. She and Bard exchanged a knowing glance, his eyes filled with worry.

“It will be alright,” she whispered to him. 

“Does it get easier?” he murmured, and it hit her that this was effectively his first real battle as well. She cursed herself for not realizing it sooner.

“With time,” she reassured him, biting the inside of her cheek with the lie. Before the situation could get any more awkward, she felt something tugging her gown, and turned around to meet Tilda.

“Tilda!” she smiled, lifting up the child and spinning her around. Tilda giggled in delight.

“Where’s Kee?” she demanded. Tauriel felt herself deflate at the prospect of having to talk to Kíli again, but she kept her smile intact as she hoisted the girl on to her hips. She pointed over to the other end of the room, where Kíli was standing and talking to Fíli about the dinner - at least, that’s what she could make out, given the noise in the room.

“There he is! You wanna go see him?” Tilda nodded, and Tauriel looked at Bard for permission. Bard shrugged.

“Why not?” Tauriel grimaced internally. It was not that she didn’t want to talk to Kíli, she had no objection to that whatsoever. It was that she could already hear Legolas’ bitter Sindarin in her mind, venting about the impurity of dwarves, acting as though there was something there that really didn’t exist. But it seemed to be unavoidable.

She made her way over to where Kíli was standing.

“Apologies, Your Highness-” she started.

“Kee!” the girl on her hip interrupted her, holding out her hands to the prince. Tauriel lifted Tilda off her hip and placed her in Kíli’s outstretched arms.

“Tilda!” he cried. “You’ve grown since I last saw you,”

“Why are you wearing that?” she demanded, presumably at his uncharacteristically stiff tunic. Kíli moved her to his hip.

“Well, you see Tilda, I’m a prince. And because I’m a prince, I get to wear funny clothes. But  _ you _ look very pretty in your dress today,” he said, putting her down on the floor

“Thank you!” she said. Clearly she hadn’t forgotten her manners, even at such a prestigious event. Tauriel smiled ruefully at the thought, wishing she could say the same.

“I apologize, Your Highness. She immediately asked for you,” Tauriel explained.

He waved dismissively. “Don’t apologize,” he said. “Besides,” he smirked. “You and I both know I’m a ladies’ man,”

Tauriel’s eyes widened, and for a split second, there was silence. Then the two of them laughed, though Tauriel was acutely aware of Legolas glaring at her from across the room.

_ Do you think she could have loved me? _

The unbidden thought made its way back into the forefront of her thoughts. She considered it for a fleeting moment. Whether or not she could love him, she was certainly becoming fond of Prince Kíli.


	3. starlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for not posting for so long, i was busy with schoolwork for the past couple of weeks. now that summer vacation is starting i should be able to start posting more regularly. thank you for being so patient!

Kíli was enjoying this dinner immensely. Sure, it had started off exhausting, but now that he and Tauriel were finally slipping into casual conversation, things were a lot more interesting.

“Who’s that? With Gloin? He’s not part of the Company,” Tauriel asked. Kíli looked behind him, trying to find Gloin amongst the crowd.

“Oh!” he spotted him. “That’s his son Gimli, and his wife Mevana,”

“Mevana? I don’t see her,” Tauriel furrowed her brow.

“Right next to him,” he looked at Tauriel, arching his brow. “Aren’t elves supposed to have ‘superior eyesight’?” 

And probably hearing, too, he realized. Which also meant that Tauriel had heard Fíli tell him to stop staring. He winced inwardly with the thought, shoving it aside and pretending it didn’t exist.

Tauriel quirked her brow upward, matching his own expression. “Yes, I see Gloin and his son perfectly well. But where’s his wife? The only other person I see is another dwarf male.” she pursed her lips. “Does he have two sons? It’s not one of the Company,”

Kíli scanned the crowd, realization dawning in his face.

“Tauriel, that’s his wife,” he said, mirth bubbling in his voice

“ _What_?”

“Have you ever seen a dwarrow woman?”

“Well, no, but I assumed-”

“You assumed they’d look more like you,” he shot a quizzical glance her way. “Dwarrow women have beards too,”

“I see,” she said, then pressed her brows together. “How do you tell them apart?” she asked, a slightly horrified note making its way into her voice. Kíli could barely restrain his laughter, when - thank Mahal - Fíli passed them.

“Tell who apart?” he asked.

“Dwarf men and women,” said Tauriel.

“Ah,” Fíli’s expression cleared. “Well, it’s a simple matter. Dwarrow females have thinner beards,”

Tauriel opened her mouth to say something, then evidently decided against it, shaking her head as she closed her mouth. Then she opened it again, staring at Kíli.

“So-” she broke off, brows furrowed as she eyed him. Kíli felt his face flush.

“No,” he stated firmly. “Absolutely not,”

“But…”

“It’s genetic,” Fíli broke in. Kíli looked at him gratefully. “Our father couldn’t grow a beard either,” he added, shooting Kíli a sidelong glance, the same glance they exchanged every time someone brought up Kíli’s appearance. 

Tauriel lifted her hands in surrender. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend,”

“Of course not,” Kíli winked, mouth curling into a painful half-smile, ignoring the painful twinge in his chest at the reminder of his less than attractive appearance. He looked down, fiddling with his sleeve, thinking of something, anything to say that would ease the awkwardness. 

He opened his mouth to ask about Mirkwood, just plain small talk to get the conversation going again, but when he turned Tauriel, she was gazing intently at the other side of the room.

“What is it?” he asked, but she didn’t respond. He shot a sideways glance at her, trying to figure out what she was looking at, but to no avail. She started talking in Sindarin, and he rolled his eyes, internally berating himself for being stupid enough to not realize it sooner.

His eyes found Legolas, whose intense glare was fixed on Tauriel, and he saw his lips moving, though he could not make out what was being said. Clearly Tauriel could, because she responded to him again, her tone light with amusement and laughter.

Kíli felt a pang of jealousy deep in the pits of his stomach. He tried to bury it, to quench the strange feeling he got whenever Legolas was around, but to no avail. He sat there, stewing in his own irritation, waiting for Tauriel to finish as he internally cursed Mahal for allowing him to fall for an elf - and Tauriel of all. Another elf would have just ignored him, and while that would have hurt, there would have been no room for him to allow himself to hope. 

Hope was hard to come by these days. It grew in the eyes of children like tangled, lawless vines on a ruin, only to be squashed by the realization that there was nothing left for the dwarrows. No home to go to, no kingdom to be proud of. Just soulless, thankless work trying to pave their way to semi-success.

That was the life Kíli had resigned himself to. Dreary, grey, and bleak. Then Uncle Thorin had come with promises of something better, of something to be proud of, and Kíli had allowed himself to hope.

Apparently hope was contagious, because here he was, hoping that an elf of Mirkwood who happened to be nice to him occasionally would want anything to do with him. Pathetic. He drummed his fingers on the table, biting his lip.

Tauriel turned back to him.

“Prince Kíli, if it is all the same to you, I must go. My king is summoning me,” she said, a note of irritation making its way into her otherwise practiced cordiality. 

“Of course, Tauriel,” he said, standing up. She stood up too, irritatingly taller than him, and turned to go.

“And Tauriel?” he called out before he could stop himself, internally cursing himself for not just biting his tongue. She turned around, her glance questioning.

“Just call me Kíli,”

Tauriel’s gaze softened, and he liked to think that she enjoyed their informality.

“As you wish...Kíli,” she smiled as she walked over to Legolas and Thranduil. A warm sense of satisfaction washed over him.

It was a start.

~~~

Kíli paced around his room, running his hand through his braids, taking deep breaths to still his shaking soul. The hot air closed in around him, making it difficult to breathe. His eyes darted nervously from corner to corner.

He had to get out. 

He pushed open his door, making his way to the front of the mountain, where they had watched helplessly as Thorin left the elves and men to die. As he left, he passed Fíli in the hall.

“Where are you going?” Fíli muttered sleepily.

“Out,”

Fíli nodded in understanding. “Be careful,” he warned

Kíli’s brow shot up. “What do you mean?”

“If Mother sees you out she might not be happy,” he explained. Kíli rolled his eyes.

“I helped reclaim _Erebor_. I think I can be up past midnight,” 

Fíli shrugged. “Just looking out for you,”

Warmth flushed Kíli’s cheeks. “You always are,” he muttered, though if his brother heard him before he walked away, he did not respond. Kíli continued until he reached the front of the mountain. Taking a deep breath, he stepped outside.

The blast of cool air was an instant relief to his warm cheeks. He breathed in the cool night air, his thumb rubbing against the small blue stone in his pocket, tracing the runes and the memories they carried. Snippets of conversation floated through his brain, the day he met Tauriel, his promise to his mother, the day he gave it to Tauriel, the blurred days of sickness, Tauriel...after some moments of this, he realized his thoughts were slipping into a slightly dangerous pattern, and he forced himself to think of something besides the elf whose image was burned into his brain.

“Kíli?” 

“Mahal!” he swore, heart racing in shock. He turned around to see - 

Tauriel held her hands up in surrender, bright spots of colour making themselves home on her normally pale cheeks. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to frighten you,” 

Kíli lifted his eyes up to the sky. 

_Why must you do this to me?_ He thought to himself, grimacing slightly.

“It’s alright,” he said, voice gruff. Tauriel must have sensed his discomfort, because she stepped back towards the door.

“I can leave if you want?” she gestured vaguely.

“No, no, don’t,” he said, raking his fingers through his braids once more. Neither of them moved. After what felt like an eternity of agonized silence - but was probably only a few moments - Kíli gestured to the empty space beside him.

“You can see better from here,” he said, hating himself for the slight plea in his voice. If Tauriel recognized it, she ignored it as she leaned over the rock beside him, gazing at the night sky. Kíli tried to do the same, but found himself unaccountably distracted by a flaming gleam of red hair, pale in the weak light penetrating the nightfall. 

“Do you ever wonder what’s out there?” she broke into his thoughts in a soft voice, so soft he could barely be sure she was talking to him. But he knew what she was saying, deep down. The same restlessness had plagued him ever since they had reached Erebor. 

“When I was a kid, it’s all I’d think about,” he started in a low voice. “When Uncle Thorin told us he wanted to reclaim Erebor, I jumped at the opportunity. But now we’ve done it.” he whispered.

He turned to face Tauriel. “We’ve done what we set out to do. I’m a prince of Erebor, whether or not I look it,” he gestured at the plain brown shirt he had changed into. “And yet…” he shook his head and spread his fingers in front of him. “I’m not satisfied. I know that sounds selfish, but I guess just... _seeing_ everything, knowing what’s out there, it makes me want to never stop,”

Tauriel tilted her head, a slight smile softening her expression.

“I never really leave Mirkwood. Nobody does,” she shrugged. “But my parents died out there.” she bit her lip thoughtfully, rubbing her finger - subconsciously, Kíli suspected - over her sleeve. “There has to be something worth seeing,” she finished.

“There has to be,” he echoed, unable to stop a smile softening his expression. The two of them locked eyes, and as Kíli watched the pale light illuminate her, he thought - well, hoped - he was still breathing.

 _“She walks in starlight in another world,”_ he whispered, the words coming all too naturally to him. Never before had he felt with such conviction, with such unfailing clarity, that he loved Tauriel.

“What was that?” she whispered. 

“I think you know,” he whispered, pain dripping from each syllable. 

_Do you think she could have loved me?_

The question lay unspoken between them, the memory that burned in his mind and tormented him daily. 

Barely conscious of his own actions, he took a step forward.

“Tauriel, I-” he broke off, unsure of how to say it. 

She abruptly took a step back.

“Lovely seeing you here, Prince Kíli,” she said as she stumbled back to the door, her voice unnaturally high. “I must be going now, see you tomorrow,”

She stood in the doorway, cheeks flushed and eyes shining with unplaceable emotion. She curtsied, practically falling over with her hurried movements, and left.

Kíli stared, open-mouthed, at the spot she had just vacated. He raked a hand through his braids, cursing himself for being foolish enough to let himself hope.

To his surprise, Kíli felt tears prickling his eyes, and he wished very, very much that Fíli had not gone to bed.


	4. regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all! sorry for not posting for ages, i was working on camp nano with an original story, and then i had to withdraw due to some personal things, except those personal things made it difficult to work on this too. things are finally getting back to normal now, so i figured i'd finish up the chapter and post it. hope you like it, since this one is fairly self-indulgent (oh, the fantasy of having friends who comfort you when you're upset). happy reading, and if you like it, please comment or drop a kudos! i love interacting with y'all!

Tauriel thought she might have to stab someone. 

Living with Thranduil, she was no stranger to long, overdramatized speeches. At least, she thought that was the case. But then she met King Thorin, and as he was giving a customary address over lunch, she started to think stabbing her hand with a fork may be the only thing able to keep her awake.

Next to him, Prince Fíli stared silently ahead, though even the crown prince looked bored out of his wits. And Kíli…

Tauriel had been trying to speak to him all day, barely sparing a thought to what Legolas and Thranduil thought as she searched relentlessly for him. But the prince had an uncanny ability of disappearing if he didn’t want to be seen, and her efforts were all in vain. And now, throughout the ridiculously exhausting speech, Tauriel tried to make eye contact with him, to reassure herself that he was not upset at her, but as he resolutely avoided her gaze, that hope was dwindling fast.

_ Why couldn’t I just hear him out? _ She asked herself, mentally berating the thought process - or lack thereof - that led her to running away from him.

But she knew what he had to say. She’d heard his whispers the night before. They’d been echoing in her head ever since she had first heard them the night she healed him, haunting her every waking moment.

_ She walks in starlight in another world,  _ came the unbidden thought. Tauriel shook her head. Kíli spoke as though she was beautiful, had something to offer to the world. But she knew better.

Eventually, the speech came to a close, though Tauriel wondered how the food lined up at the side had not gone cold. There was enough time for anyone to cook a three course meal during that speech. With wiggle room. But the food did come, and Tauriel busied herself with heaping piles of potatoes, stew, the tiniest bit of roast beef, and trying to keep her thoughts away from the previous nights’ incident, which was easier said than done when she remembered that had Kíli offered the seat next to him to Bard instead of her. A strange pang of emotion twisted inside of her, and she hated herself for it. 

“Why do these dwarves eat so much meat?” Legolas muttered from beside her, startling her out of her own thoughts.

“Well I suppose it’s customary,” she replied, slipping into Sindarin. What exactly was she feeling upset about? Her head was fuzzy with the stress of it all. Were she and Kíli not friends? Could they not stay friends despite his feelings for her?

“I know what troubles you,” Legolas’ bitter voice cut in. Tauriel blinked in surprise.

“What are you talking about?” she asked, praying that her voice wasn’t giving her away.

“The dwarf and his treachery,” he spat. “It pains you to not know where you stand. All dwarves are the same,”

“You act as though you have experience,” Tauriel forced a teasing note into her voice.

Legolas didn’t spare her comment with a glance. Tauriel dropped her voice even lower. “Not now,” she said. “After,”

Legolas nodded, almost imperceptibly, but Tauriel was somewhat comforted. Finally, she could talk to someone about the previous night. It wasn’t Kíli, but it was the best she could do. She leaned back in her chair, her anxiety over Kíli’s reaction to her only slightly lessened by Legolas’ promise. She still needed to know why he was mad at her, and as King Thorin gave word to begin socializing, she took her chance.

She stood up gracelessly, nearly knocking over Legolas’ glass.

“Where are you going?” he hissed, but she ignored him, uncomfortably aware of his souring gaze fixed on her.

She tried to think up a reason to talk to Kíli, but was so focused on her own thoughts that she bumped into someone.

“Sorry,” she called out as she tried to keep going, but a cool hand pressed into her wrist, forcing her to turn around and see -

“Lady Arwen!” Tauriel gasped, curtsying hastily. “Apologies, My Lady, I did not see you,”

Lady Arwen gazed at her for another moment, locking their eyes with such intensity that Tauriel nearly started to blush. Then her face broke into a brilliant smile, and Tauriel could breathe again.

“I do not think we have been acquainted yet,” she tilted her head sideways, considering.

“Everyone knows of you, My Lady,” Tauriel responded. Arwen dropped her gaze, a faint trace of embarrassment in the arm she wrapped around herself.

She looked up again, this time with a little less intensity and more ease. “And what is your name?” she asked.

“Tauriel, My Lady,” she dipped her head. “I am the captain of King Thranduil’s army,”

“Tauriel,” Arwen echoed, nodding slowly, as though she was lost in thought. Eventually her gaze met Tauriel’s again, and she smiled. “It’s a beautiful name,”

“Thank you, My Lady,” Now it was Tauriels’ turn to lower her head in embarrassment. Arwen pressed her fingers to her chest, and Tauriel mirrored her actions.

“It was an honour to finally be acquainted with you, My Lady,” she said.

“The honour is all mine,” Arwen replied. The two nodded at each other, and parted.

Tauriels’ thoughts were more jumbled than ever. She had met  _ Lady Arwen? _ In  _ person? _ She couldn’t remember what she had originally been doing - her thoughts were fixated on her luck. Luck that fizzled out the instant she caught sight of Kíli’s braided hair, which, once again, eluded her.

She felt Legolas gazing intently at her, and her cheeks flushed as she thought of what was running through his mind, the accusations jumping wildly out at her. She kept walking, aimlessly now, so lost in her own misery that she bumped straight into Fíli.

“Oh, Prince Fíli! My apologies, I wasn't paying attention,” she explained, ear twitching in shame.

“Of course, no harm done,” he said mechanically, staring at Tauriel. She furrowed her brow, but his mind seemed to be somewhere else. He lifted his head.

“Actually, I have something to ask you,” he said. Tauriel raised her brows. 

“Of course, Your Highness,”

He opened his mouth, then closed it, as though he couldn’t find the right words. She waited patiently, her thoughts a messy jumble. What was this all about? Had Kíli told him what she had done? 

“Do you know what’s wrong with Kíli?” he finally asked her. Tauriel grimaced internally, praying that none of her discomfort showed on her face.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Well,” Fíli started, dropping his voice confidentially. “Last night, he told me he was going out to the front of the mountain to get some air, and then I went into my room. A little after, I heard someone else outside, and I thought he had forgotten something so I opened my door to go and talk to him, but I saw you going in the same direction-” here, Tauriel tilted her head, remembering the soft thudding of the door she’d heard on her way out, mentally berating herself for not paying attention to it. “-I mean obviously, you could have been going anywhere, so I just ignored it. I didn’t want to disturb you, but he hasn’t spoken to me all morning, and I-”

“Was wondering if he’d said anything to me,” she broke in, nodding her head.

“Yeah,” Fíli confirmed. Tauriel pressed a knuckle above her lip, a malady of thoughts spinning out of control, trying to decide how much to tell Fíli. She chewed against her lip, looking at him again. Something in his eyes - his concern for his brother, his open frankness, his genuineness,  _ something  _ \- made her give way.

“I spoke to him, yes,” she confirmed, voice cautious. “I didn’t know he was going to be there, and I needed some fresh air. We were talking about - oh, nothing special,” she said at the rapid change in Fíli’s expression. “Just about our travels,” she said, the half-truth biting her viciously. “And then..” Tauriel trailed off, hesitating. This was his  _ brother _ . Surely he would be upset with her if he knew what she had done? “And then I left,” she said, forcing a nonchalant tone into her voice. 

She sensed Fíli eyeing her suspiciously, and she prayed he would buy her story, or at least accept it for the time being. 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of scrutiny, he nodded, and she felt as though she could breathe again. 

They stood together in helpless silence for a heartbeat.

“Well, I should get going,” she finally said. “Legolas is waiting for me,” 

Fíli nodded. “Well, thanks for your help,”

“Anytime,” she assured him.

As she walked back to her party, Legolas’ disapproving gaze latched onto her, she wondered if she would ever regret that flippant promise.

~~~

Tauriel lay in bed, pretending to be dead.

Maybe if she could pretend hard enough it would actually happen, and she wouldn’t have to face Legolas and his interrogation.

_ You’re the one who asked him to come, _ the voice of reason reminded her from the back of her mind. 

_ Shut up, _ she replied.

Maybe she could run away. It was dark out, dark enough for her to slip out unnoticed. She wouldn’t have to waste time changing, considering she’d just gotten back from another dinner and another unsuccessful attempt to appease Kíli. She could go to Imladris, where Lady Arwen would hopefully allow her shelter. She could start a new life, far away from Legolas’ teasing questions.

_ And from Kíli, _ the voice reasoned.

_ Irrelevant _ , she told it, though both of them knew that was a lie. 

As she was considering her escape route, the inevitable carriage to death arrived in the form of an annoyingly familiar knock at her door, which swung open to reveal-

“-Legolas,” she said, brushing her hair back.

Legolas dipped his head in greeting. “May I come in?”

Tauriel gestured to a chair, while she herself sat on the bed. The two looked at each other quietly for a few moments.

“Are you alright?” Legolas broke the deafening silence only a moment before Tauriel herself could. She lifted her head in consideration, then nodded once.

Legolas gazed at her again, brow raised. “I thought you called me here to talk. If you’re just going to be spitting out more lies, I’m leaving, for I’ve better things to do with my time than listen to false stories made for my benefit,”

Tauriel dipped her head, pressing her lips together. “You’re right,” she sighed. “It’s just not easy for me to talk about it,”

“Because he’s a dwarf?”

“Because he’s a dwarf,” she confirmed. The words felt heavy, rolling around the room until they landed with a thud, and she felt all the lighter for saying them.

“What happened?”

Tauriel took a deep breath, then took the plunge. “I went to the top of the mountain last night, just to get some fresh air. And when I got there, he was already there, and he seemed angry. I offered to leave, but he told me not to, then told me to come to the edge so I could see clearly,” the words were tumbling out her now; where once she could not speak, there was now no stopping her. “We were just talking about travelling and seeing the world and that kind of stuff, and then he whispered something and I think he wanted to tell me that he liked me, and then I freaked out and ran away,” She ended with a deep, shaky breath, and bit her lip, looking down to keep her tears at bay.

“Do you like him?” Legolas asked quietly. Tauriel looked up.

“As a friend. Nothing more,” she said, the firmness in her voice startling even her. But there was no lie. No matter how confused she had been before, saying it out loud now made all the difference in the world. Legolas nodded, lost in thought.

“Then you should tell him that,”

“He won’t talk to me,” she muttered. “He hasn’t spoken to anyone all day, not even Fíli,”

“Why not?” Legolas furrowed his brow.

“I don’t know! He’s mad at me, and I have no idea how to fix it,”

Suddenly, all the emotions, everything she’d been bottling up since she met Kíli, exploded. A tear rolled down her cheek. Then another. And another. More followed until she was sobbing, hunched over herself on the bed. A dark well of loneliness spilled over, and she had never felt more alone.

She felt a warm arm around her shoulders, and she pressed herself against Legolas, but the crying didn’t stop. She was vaguely aware of Legolas brushing away her tears.

“I’m sorry,” she hiccoughed. “It’s just-” but Legolas shushed her.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “Don’t worry about it,”

She turned around to face him. They locked eyes for a moment, Legolas’ filled with understanding and her own filled with pain, then she buried her face in his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, gently stroking her hair. She wasn’t crying anymore, but while he held her like this, nothing could go wrong.

Eventually, they let go of each other.

“Thank you,” she said. Legolas smiled at her.

“I’m always here,” he reminded her. “That’s what friends are for,”


	5. conversations

“I need to talk to you,” Kíli said. Fíli looked over at him, raising his brow.

“About damn time,” he grumbled. “You haven’t spoken to me all day,”

Kíli shrugged his shoulders in a half-hearted attempt at an apology. “Sorry,” 

There was no lie to what he said. He truly was sorry. Sorry that he hadn’t heeded his brothers’ warning last night, sorry that he told Tauriel to stay, sorry that he tried to confess his feelings, sorry that he had withdrawn himself and ignored everyone else throughout the day.

“When do you want to talk?” Fíli asked. Kíli tilted his head, considering his plans - or more accurately, his lack thereof - for the night. 

“I’m going to shower. I guess after that?” he suggested. He didn’t need to shower. He’d showered yesterday. But he needed time to think before he could speak to anyone, even Fíli, about what had happened. Fíli nodded, and turned towards his room, when Bofur came over to the two of them.

“Apologies for the interruption, Your Highnesses,”

“Bofur, please,” Kíli wrinkled his nose. “Don’t call us that,”

Bofur shrugged. “I have to,”

“Well, at least not in private,” he begged. Bofur nodded. 

“What did you have to say?” Fíli shushed his brother. Kíli shot him a deadpan look.

“Thorin is asking for you. Some diplomacy meeting” he told Fíli. The two brothers exchanged glances.

“Thanks, Bofur,” Fíli said, briefly placing a hand on his brothers’ shoulder. “I’ll see you guys later,” 

“See you,” Bofur said. Kíli just nodded in acknowledgement. Bofur looked at Kíli. 

“How are you holding up?” he asked. Kíli debated telling him the truth. Looking into Bofur’s eyes, he saw a familiar face, compassion, warmth, concern. But more importantly, he saw a friend.

So it was with more than a little guilt that he lied. “I’m fine, just a little tired” 

Bofur, pursed his lips, eyeing him suspiciously. Kíli resisted the urge to look away, knowing full well that Bofur didn’t believe him.

But evidently he was willing to let it go, since he dropped the subject and discussed the dinner parties they’d been holding.

“I’m really looking forward to tomorrow, when the dwarrows of Moria come,” he said. “The only women I’ve seen this year are either human or elves. I can’t wait to see some nice, unmarried dwarrow-maids,” he complained. Kíli didn’t try to hide his laughter.

“Just make sure to wear a mask. We don’t want any of them seeing how horrendous you actually look if we’re trying to score you a date,”

Bofur rolled his eyes. “Keep talking, Kíli. You’ll be regretting it when I’m getting married and you’re still a lonely bachelor,”

Ouch. Bad timing. Kíli winced internally, then internally shook his head. He would talk to Fíli after. Until then, he needed to forget about Tauriel.

“Bold of you to assume you’ll ever get married,”

“More likely to be me than you,”

“At least I’ll be able to _see_ whoever I marry,” Kíli retorted. “You’ll need to walk around on stilts from now on,”

“Aye, not a bad suggestion, young fool. If I’m in clearer sight, I’ll be able to woo more women with my astounding sense of dress,”

“Well then that’s our backup plan if any of them happen to catch sight of your face. Should be a good distraction while we cover it up again,”

The two of them looked at each other, mirth dancing in the look they shared, then laughed. It felt good to laugh, really laugh, in the company of someone so trusted.

“What are you looking forward to?” Bofur asked. Kíli twisted his mouth.

 _I’m looking forward to the day everyone goes home and I can pine for Tauriel in peace,_ he thought to himself. 

Outwardly, he said, “Well, Mother arrived yesterday, but she was exhausted and went right to bed. I haven’t seen her all day, so I guess I’m looking forward to spending time with her and Fíli,”

Bofur smiled. “That’s sweet. Wish my mother was here,” 

Kíli watched uncomfortably while Bofur travelled to distant memories, a faint smile playing on his lips and vacant eyes. Bofur and Bombur never told anyone how their mother died, and while Bifur presumably knew - he was her sister-son, after all - he never breathed a word to anyone.  
“She’d have been proud of you,” Kíli offered, an attempt at easing the tension. He nodded, though his eyes were still vacant with memories.

“Thanks,” he said softly before wandering away, presumably to find his brother.

Kíli opened the door to his room, letting his eyes fall over the bare walls and generic furniture. At home, he had almost nothing, but whatever he did have was _his_. It was real, it belonged to him, it carried a certain weight and memory in his life. This stuff? It was elegant, to be sure, and far more luxurious than anything he had ever owned before, but it all felt so cold, so impersonal. As though they were staying at an inn, or in a guest room. This wasn’t his room. His room had leaves covering the walls, a drawing a girl had made him once next to a small mirror, letters covering the small wooden desk Fíli had made him, the next day’s outfit thrown over his bed. This room had marvellously carved furniture, each item meticulously crafted by dwarrows long forgotten, whatever clothes he had tucked neatly into a drawer. There were no paintings, no leaves, nothing he could call his own save the small stone from his mother.

His thoughts wandered to her. How weary she must have been if she wasn’t able to have visitors the entire day. He worried for her health - she was never the most physically active person, and time had not been kind to her.

“Damn,” he cursed. “I should’ve gone to see her,” he kicked the edge of the stone bed.

“Damn!” he repeated, nursing his newly injured toe. He glared at the black frame, which sat impassively against the wall, taunting him. 

Once he had regained feeling in his toe, he looked over at the bathroom unenthusiastically. He told Fíli he was going to shower, and he might as well make good on that. It wouldn’t hurt. First he undid the little bands that held together his braids, shaking out his hair. He sighed, stripping down and stepping into the cold bathroom.

As Kíli lathered soap onto his hands and into his hair, he couldn’t help thinking about what had happened the previous night.

“You went outside to get away from Tauriel,” he told himself as he dipped the washcloth into the tub of water, scrubbing the soap off his body. “Tauriel came outside for whatever reason. She offered to leave you alone. You told her she could stay. Then you told her to come stand next to you and look at the stars. You guys talked about travelling and leaving home. Then you tried to tell her that you liked her, and she ran away, so you spent the entire day ignoring everything and everyone else and choosing to pity yourself instead. Perfect,” he spat as he kneeled forward, soaking his hair in the bucket of water.

When the last suds were rinsed from his hair, he stood up, drying himself off with a fresh towel. He stepped out of the bathroom, shivering slightly at the rush of cool air, and found his one pair of sleeping clothes to put on. As he slipped on the shirt, he noticed a tear in the elbow. He sighed, preparing himself for the lecture he’d get when he would bring it to his mother for mending.

_“You have to be more careful with your possessions. Stop fidgeting so much. If you didn’t go off doing things you had no business to be doing, nobody would need to mend these clothes. Look at your brother. His clothes last far longer than yours,”_

Kíli rolled his eyes at the mere thought of his mothers’ scolding words, though a faint smile played on his face even as he did so. It had been far too long since he’d heard that berating tone. Never again would he get upset at his mother’s scolding. It was too precious to waste on something as temporary as anger.

~~

Kíli lay on the bed, spread-eagled, trying to piece together what he would tell Fíli. The more he thought about his situation, the more childish it sounded. How could he discuss it with Fíli without feeling like a complete fool? Maybe he could run away, back to Rivendell or Laketown. He wasn’t all that unattractive to humans, he knew. Surely he couldn’t have too much trouble starting a new life and family there, away from the awkward conversations and enchanting elvish women.

As Kíli lay in bed contemplating escape, there came a knock on his door.

“Who is it?” he called out, half hoping it was someone other than Fíli.

“It’s me,”

Kíli shrugged his shoulders. He could hope.

“Come in,” he said, sitting up with a little too much effort to keep his dignity. 

Fíli stepped in, closing the door behind him.

“What happened?” he asked immediately. 

Kíli was regretting his decision to tell Fíli what had happened. So, like he did with anything he regretted, he pretended it never happened.

“I just had a lousy night, that’s all,” he shrugged. “Sorry I took it out on you,”

Fíli narrowed his eyes. “You had a lousy night?”

Shit. He didn’t believe him. He knew it was a long shot, but he could hope.

“Mhmm,” he lied through his teeth.

“Oh, of course,” Fíli said, sitting down on the bed next to him. “Would that lousy night happen to have anything to do with the fact that you spoke to Tauriel outside?”

Kíli scratched his eyebrow. “What?” he asked, faking obliviousness, though he was more than a little surprised that Fíli found out about it.

“Don’t fake,” Fíli said. “Tauriel told me everything,”

Kíli inhaled sharply, dread squeezing his lungs. “Everything?”

“Everything,” Fíli confirmed. Kíli sat up, pursing his lips as he furrowed his brow. He couldn’t believe that Tauriel had told Fíli _everything_. It wouldn’t have looked good for either of them. Had she lied to him? A glimmer of hope swelled in his chest.

“What exactly did she say?”

He felt Fíli settle a questioning glance on him, but he resolutely avoided his gaze. Eventually, Fíli spoke. “She told me that she went outside and saw you, offered to leave, you told her to stay, and then you talked about your travels and she left,” he summarized.

Kíli lifted his chin ever so slightly. _Thank you, Tauriel_ , he said through slitted eyes. 

“Yeah, that’s about what happened,” he lied.

Fíli rubbed the nape of his neck. “If you’re going to lie to me, I’m leaving,”

Kíli pressed his brows together. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you and Tauriel have both been lying to me,” Fíli stood up. “I’m not sure what’s going on, but I don’t appreciate this. If you don’t want to tell me something, don’t pretend you do and then stuff me with lies. Either tell me the truth or nothing at all,” his voice raised to a shout. Kíli looked down, ashamed. What was he thinking, lying to his _brother_? This was Fíli, for crying out loud.

Suddenly, Kíli’s eyes unfocused, then refocused to a completely different scene. Yet somehow, it was the same. They were sitting on the bed, talking. Kíli was braiding a flower into Fíli’s hair while he spoke.

“Guess what Kee?

“What?”

“She spoke to me again today,”

Kíli had smiled, but the pain he had felt was all the more potent now. Fíli was always more interesting to the girls, more charming, more handsome. He himself didn’t do too badly with the human women, but the dwarrows? Forget it. 

He blinked, and he was back in Erebor.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said. “You’re right,”

Fíli nodded. “Now, do you plan on telling me what actually happened?”

Kíli looked down, biting his lip as he sorted through his thoughts. Eventually, he spoke. 

“She told you part of the truth,” he said. “But she left out a little bit. When she first came, I was angry. At her. I was furious at her for not loving me the way I love her. And then when I had finally gotten outside and away from it all, she showed up. I was...a little short with her,” he confessed. “which is why she offered to leave. But then I felt bad. It’s not her fault that I feel this way about her. So I told her to stay. Then a few minutes later I told her to come stand closer to the edge, so she could see the stars. She loves stars,” he smiled slightly at the memory of their conversation in prison. “So she came forward, and we spoke about our travels,” he figured he would leave out the part where they spoke about leaving to travel again. That was a conversation for another day. He took a deep breath. “This is the part she left out,” he warned Fíli, who simply raised an eyebrow. “I...tried to tell her how I feel about her,” he stole a glance at his brother, whose expression remained unchanged. “And she ran away,” He looked down, refusing to make eye contact with Fíli. 

“I just feel so ridiculous. I’m making a complete fool of myself because of how much I care for her. I’d give absolutely anything for her, and she couldn’t care less. It’s not fair,” Kíli complained, blinking back hot tears.

Fíli moved closer and ran his hands through his brothers’ hair. Kíli leaned into his touch. It had been so long since they had spoken like this. Then he caught sight of Fíli, whose face was alight with a soft smile.

“You’re smiling, Fee,” he said, bewildered and annoyed. “My life is falling apart and you’re smiling,”

“I’m sorry. It’s just,” Fíli sighed. “I’ve never heard you say anything like this before. Not even when we were kids,”

“Don’t get used to it,” he grumbled, laying his head on his brother’s lap. “I probably look so pathetic to her. Just a dwarrow boy throwing himself at an elf captain,” he took a deep breath. “But no more. I’m done. I want absolutely nothing more to do with her,”

Fíli sucked in a breath. “That might be a little difficult,”

Kíli sat up, scratching his neck. “Why? What are talking about,”

“Well, I don’t quite know how to put this,” Fíli said, inhaling sharply. “There’s a slight possibility that the two of you are to be married,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry it took so long to post, it's been a hectic month. and i don't know how frequently i'll be able to post from now on, given that i'm starting school next week, but i will do my best to update as quickly as i can. this is a sort of comfort fic to me, so i'm really excited to share more with all of you. thank you guys so much for reading, and i'd highly appreciate it if you dropped a kudos or comment. take care <3


	6. apologies

“Married?” asked Tauriel. “Me?” Blood thundered through her ears, and she was sure she had misheard, that there had been some mistake. She wasn’t going to get  _ married _ .

“Yes, Tauriel,” Thranduil said, not looking up from the book he was holding. “Married. Or at least, we’re considering it,”

Tauriel arched her eyebrow. “We?”

“Myself and King Thorin. He seems to believe that it is of vital importance that our two clans be allied, and a union through marriage currently seems to be the best option,” 

“I see,” she said, pinching her lips together. “Do you not think it more appropriate for the union to be of two from royal blood?” 

“I do not,” Thranduil said, snapping his book closed with a thud that almost made Tauriel jump. “For one thing, I believe that Legolas should be married to an elf, to preserve the royal blood. For another, there are no females eligible for the throne of Erebor, and the purpose of this union is not only to ally our two nations, but to produce children who symbolize this allyship, and for those purposes, the king’s ward is a perfectly adequate candidate,”

_ Children?  _ Tauriel swallowed. “I see,”

“Do you have any more...questions?” Thranduil gazed at her, an unspoken threat hanging off of his lips. When he said ‘questions,’ he meant ‘impertinent comments.’ Tauriel met his gaze firmly. “No sir,” 

“Good,” he said, returning to his book. “You are dismissed,”

“Thank you,” Tauriel bowed her head and left the room. 

“Married?” she cried as soon as she was out of earshot. “This is ridiculous,”

“I hear ye, missy,” said a voice. Tauriel stilled, praying that nobody would report her to Thranduil, when one of the hired staff came forward, still talking. “Marriage is a sham. Take it from someone who’s had three,”

Tauriel sighed in relief. At least the staff had no reason to report her. “Don’t worry, ma’am. I’ve no intention of getting married,”

She walked away, her chin lifted high in the air, and was nearly to her room before she realized what exactly she had just said.

“Damn it,” she muttered, hoping nobody else had heard her very,  _ very _ vocal disrespect for authority. She opened the door to her room, furrowing her brows at the outfit laid out before her.

Something…

She blinked.

Of course. They were going to have dinner soon. She was supposed to get ready. She set out her clothes early to make sure she remembered.

How did she forget that?

Tauriel shook her head and started to change her clothes. The events of the past few days were getting to her. Kíli, this new potential marriage, her acquaintance with Lady Arwen, her breakdown in front of Legolas...as much as she was enjoying the experience of being at Erebor, as she slipped into the pale purple gown, she found herself wishing - not for the first time - that she was back in Mirkwood, away from this nonsensical drama.

Back in Mirkwood! She was finding it difficult to believe that she could ever wish for that. Had her entire life not been spent in pursuit of something  _ outside  _ of Mirkwood?

Maybe she didn’t want to go back to Mirkwood. But she didn’t want to stay here either. She wanted to go somewhere far, far away from Thranduil and Legolas and Kíli. Maybe she could start a new life in Rivendell. The prospect seemed even more appealing than it had the night before, if that was possible.

Or maybe she would run away and live in an abandoned forest, living off campfire and whatever edible plants and animals lived there. The idea of running away and living free and feral was impossibly tempting, she realized as she fastened the clasp on a diamond necklace. Just her and the woods and nothing else.

But is that not what she was running away from? If she turned her back on the world, how was she so different from Thranduil and the rest of Mirkwood? Is this not what she had been fighting for her entire life? The thing she’d been fighting for her whole life was to be recognized in a society outside her own, she reasoned as she brushed her hair. By running away from her problems, she would prove that she was no better than everyone in Mirkwood. 

_ So that’s it. I’m staying. I’m facing this head on,  _ she thought.

As she weaved a small braid into her hair, she took a deep, rallying breath.

She could do this. She could face this head on. 

And she could prove that she  _ was _ better than the others.

Of course, there still remained the slight issue of her getting married.

A knock on the door startled her out of her dilemma.

“Come in,” she called in a low voice.

Legolas opened the door and stepped in. “Are you ready?” he asked. Tauriel frowned. “Ready for what? The dinner?”

“Yes, of course, but you are aware there’s a dance tonight?”

Tauriel inhaled in sharp irritation, clasping her hands in front of her in a silent prayer for strength and patience.

“A  _ dance? _ Whose idea was that?”

“My father’s,” Legolas winced sympathetically.

“And who exactly does your father intend to dance with? King Thorin?” she asked, gritting her teeth in frustration.

Legolas shrugged. “You know my father. He has absolutely no intention of actually partaking in the entertainment. He thinks it’s great fun to watch other people do it,”

“Your father has a twisted sense of humour,” Tauriel grumbled. Just as she was about to turn back to her mirror, a horrifying thought occurred to her.

“Does he know?”

“Know what?” Legolas asked, a confused expression playing on his features.

“About what I told you yesterday,” Tauriel groaned, her face reddening slightly at the memory of her breakdown.

“Oh!” Legolas’ face cleared up. “I don’t think so. He hasn’t mentioned it to me, and this doesn’t exactly seem to be the type of news he would take sitting quietly. We’ll know when he finds out, believe me,” 

“ _ If _ he finds out,” Tauriel reminded him. “We want to avoid him knowing about it for as long as possible,”

“Well, obviously,” he nodded, gazing elsewhere.

“And what troubles you?” Tauriel asked with a raised eyebrow.

He blinked himself out of his daze. “Nothing,” he said quietly, then forced a small smile onto his face. “It looks like we’re dance partners for tonight,”

She rolled her eyes. “Be serious. We both know that you’ll be introduced to Lady Arwen tonight, and that in the spirit of allyship with the elves of Imladris, you’ll be dancing most of the evening away with her,”

Not that Tauriel minded. She was used to not having a dance partner. The only elf who would ever willingly dance with her was sitting in her room right now, and more often than not he was engaged with hundreds of other elves interested in him for his looks or wealth or status, until she was lucky to get one dance in throughout the night. Tauriel felt a slight twinge of jealousy, one that flared up when she was reminded of her place every few moons. She was never allowed to be the prettiest, or the most charming, or the most popular. She was cold and alone and bored, waiting for Legolas to finish his duties as the most charming one in the room so that the two of them could go do something decidedly less charming alone, like stuff their faces with dessert they had sneaked out.

“Oh, right. That,” Legolas said, a faint note of distaste unmistakable on his voice. Tauriel punched him gently.

“Lady Arwen is quite charming. You should be pleased,”

“Right, and what exactly would you know of Lady Arwen and her temperament?”

“I met Lady Arwen yesterday, and she was perfectly lovely,” she informed him.

“Well I suppose it shall be alright then,” he sighed. “But you’ll be alright?”

“Don’t worry about me,” she said.

“Are you sure?” he asked, concern seeping into his face. “Because if you won’t have a partner, I’ll gladly abandon her to dance with you,”

“I’ll be fine,” she insisted, though the thought of Legolas ignoring all the other, more pleasant women to dance with  _ her _ made her feel warm and fuzzy inside. “Although it’s very kind of you to offer,” she added.

Legolas smiled softly. “Anything for my best friend,” 

Tauriel blushed - fully this time, not just a pale tint - and stopped her gaze. “You’re the best,” she informed him.

“I know,” he said, first smirking then wincing when Tauriel punched him. “Ouch!” he rubbed his arm. Tauriel smiled and hooked her arm around his.

“Come, let’s go,” she said, and the two of them left.

It was not until much, much later did Tauriel realize she was fixated on his comment about their being best friends.

~~

Tauriel sat as far away from Kíli as she possibly could, opting to stand next to Legolas so close that had it been anyone else, they would have sent her back to Mirkwood by the time dinner was over. Thankfully, Legolas did not share their views, though there were some awkward conversations that needed to be held. She pursed her lips, trying to figure out how to bring up her potential...engagement.

“Legolas?” she found herself saying. “I have to talk to you. Now,”

She blinked. What was she  _ doing _ ? No matter, there was no time to opt out of it now.

Legolas looked over at her quizzically. “It’s important,” she muttered. Legolas nodded, still confused, and as everyone stood up to find partners for the dance, the two of them slipped out amongst the commotion.

When they were safely out of the way, Tauriel blurted it out.

“I’m potentially about to be engaged,”

Legolas nodded as though he’d known all along. Now it was her turn to look confused. 

“Were you...aware of this?” she asked, swallowing hard.

“I was at the meeting where it was discussed,” he nodded. “Along with Prince Fili,”

“Yes, well, he’s not all that bad,” she wrinkled her nose. “I don’t find him particularly attractive, though he’s no eyesore. He is a good man, and from what I’ve heard he’s fiercely loyal with a calm temperament.” she rambled. “I’m sure there won’t be much harm done if I marry him,”

Legolas furrowed his brow. “Are we thinking about the same person?”

“Why of course,” Tauriel said, surprised. “Prince Fili,”

Legolas lifted his chin. “If you are to be engaged to one of the Durin princes, I suggest that you assume it is Kíli,”

“Why should I assume that?” Tauriel said, her voice taut with tension and fury.

“He seems to be the more likely option,” he confessed. Tauriel pursed her lips.

“And why, pray tell, is that?”

Legolas shrugged. “Presumably for the same reason I am not being considered for this honour. Fili is next in line to inherit the throne, and Thorin is probably hoping that he will hit it off with a dwarf woman. It would certainly simplify things for him,”

“And complicate them for me,” Tauriel muttered, rubbing her forehead. Legolas winced  ruefully.

“I’m sorry,” he said. He offered her his hand. “May I have this dance?”

Tauriel felt a warm glow creep up her neck. “Of course,” she said, accepting his hand.

The two of them walked arm in arm just in time for the dance to begin.

It was a lively tune, Tauriel realized. Much livelier than anything she could find in Mirkwood.

Tauriel furrowed her brows, trying to keep up, but to little avail. Legolas was somewhat more graceful, but he too was evidently having difficulty dancing in sync with the tune. 

Eventually, she panted. “If all the dances are to be like this, I don’t think we could reasonably be faulted for sitting out,”

“You’re not royalty,’ he retorted, spinning her around. “I can be faulted for wearing a different coloured robe than my father,”

“Whatever I’m not, I still happen to be your father’s ward,” she said indignantly, trying not to break out of the dance. “Though why he agreed to it will forever be a mystery,”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” he said breathlessly. “Though to be fair, he probably will be just as hard on you if you decide not to dance,”

“I don’t know that under the current circumstances that could really be considered a choice,” she said, the two of them spinning around like a whirlwind. Then finally, the dance was over, and everyone quickly retrieved their refreshments.

“Do you want anything?” Legolas asked as Tauriel sat down. She waved him off. 

“Just something cold,” she said. Legolas left, and Tauriel contemplated her luck. Of course the one time she would get to dance with Legolas outside of Mirkwood, it would be such a foreign and fast-paced dance that neither of them could feasibly enjoy it.

“Because why not?” she muttered to herself. “Why not make things even more irritating than they already are?”

“Talking to yourself?” a voice came from behind her. She looked over her shoulder, regretting it a moment later when she was met with Kíli.

She smiled tightly. “No, Your Highness,”

Now it was his turn to look uncomfortable, she realized with a malicious satisfaction. He sighed, and all at once his facade faded away.

“Look,” he started, then hesitated. Tauriel raised a brow in silent expectation. He continued. “I came over to apologize,” he confessed. “About last night,” he clarified.

As though it needed clarifying.

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” he fiddled with the edge of a braid. “Certain topics of our discussion were...rather inappropriate, and I was completely out of line for bringing it up. I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me,”

Tauriel was trying very, very hard to be angry. She would have settled for annoyed. But against her better judgement, her hard feelings towards the dwarf melted, and she found herself nodding.

“I understand,” she said. “And I forgive you. But if anyone is to blame, it’s me. I behaved entirely inappropriately, and no matter the manner of your conversation, I should have at least allowed you to finish instead of cutting you off and leaving,”

Kíli offered a tentative smile. “Well, considering that we’re both the offending party, I believe it cancels out,”

Cautiously, she returned it. “I suppose it does,”

There was a moment of tense silence between them, when the music started up again.

Kíli offered her his hand.

“May I have the honour?”

Tauriel started slightly, though she had somewhat seen this coming. She quickly scanned the room, and - yes, Legolas had been whisked away to dance with Lady Arwen.

_ No, no, no. Absolutely not _ , her conscience repeatedly told her. Yet somehow, against her better judgement, she accepted his hand.

“The honour is all mine, Prince Kíli,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you like this chapter! i figured i would post another chapter this time, since i'm starting school next week and i don't know how much time i'll get to write from now on. this one was a lot of fun to work with, and i really hope i can get the next one to you soon - it's going to be a lot of fun. please leave a kudos/comment if you like this! your comments are literally what keeps me going, and without them, i would've abandoned this weeks ago. thank you!


	7. dancing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!!! im so sorry for taking so long to update, writers block had me bad. i ended up deleting part of this chapter and changing up a lot of the second half to make it work, but hey, finally writing again! i really hope you guys like it, and if you do please comment something! your comments are honestly what keeps me going. thank you, and again, hope you like this chapter!

“May I have the honour?” Kíli heard himself asking.

_ Shit, _ he thought.  _ We just figured this out. Why do you have to complicate things? _

He tried to find the words to backtrack, to tell her he was only being polite, to take back whatever he had just said, but his mind blanked, and he resorted to attempting to convey the message by manifesting telepathy.

Unfortunately, telepathy didn’t exactly work like that, and his feeble attempts to make amends went unnoticed.

Thankfully, she didn’t seem all that fazed, hesitating only for the slightest moment before agreeing to dance with him.

“The honour is all mine, Prince Kíli,” she said, and then stood up, taking his still-proffered arm, and, much to his surprise, the two of them walked arm and arm to the edge of the hall, just in time for the dance to start.

Dancing with someone taller than him was a novel experience for Kíli, and it proved to be a strange, yet not unpleasant situation.

Everywhere she touched him, his skin was set aflame. Her hand pressed elegantly into his side, the other clasped into his, and he was sure she felt him shaking.

If he just stepped a little closer…

If he slid his other hand a little lower down her back...

_ No, _ he stopped himself.  _ You two are in a good place. You’re friendly. You can’t expect for more, _

Instead, he looked up to see her normally pale face slightly flushed, and her hair burning under the candlelight. He couldn’t stop a smile from spreading on his face, and as he internally cursed Mahal for it, she smiled as well.

“You’re a wonderful dancer,” she said.

“Thank you, my lady. As are you,” he said, his pulse quickening at the compliment.

“I’m glad to hear you say that. It’s been quite a while since I’ve had the chance,”

“And why is that?” he asked, placing his hands on her waist as she placed hers on his shoulders.

“Not a lot of opportunity in Mirkwood, I’m afraid,” she shrugged.

Kíli wrinkled his brow. “Wasn’t tonights’ dance courtesy of King Thranduil? I would have thought he was fond of dance and music,”

“Oh, he is. I meant not much opportunity for me,” she said, hesitating slightly before she continued. “I am not the type of person to make friends easily,”

“Ah,” Kíli said, flushing slightly in embarrassment. 

She could evidently sense his discomfort, because she smiled and said. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve never been big on dancing anyways. What about you?”

“I do enjoy dancing,” he confessed. “I haven’t had much of a chance to dance like this in the past year, but it’s something I’ve always loved,”

“Maybe I would enjoy dancing more if it held more happy memories for me,” Tauriel mused. Kíli smiled.

“Well then,” he said softly. “May this be the first of many,”

_ What are you doing? _ He asked himself.  _ Are you mad? Why would you say something so ridiculous?  _

Tauriel smiled. “I certainly hope so,”

All too soon, the dance was over, and the two of them sat down.

Kíli blinked, a certain dread hanging over him as Tauriel laughed and clapped with the rest of the party. 

He could never do this again. Standing so close to her,  _ dancing _ with her, was impossible. It was everything he had ever wanted and everything he wasn’t able to bear. 

“That was lovely. You’re a very good dancer,” Tauriel said.

Kíli smiled despite his pain. “You’re too kind, and obviously the superior dancer,”

The dance had unexpectedly done wonders at breaking the icy formality between them, and they soon slipped into comfortable conversation.

“Why do you use a bow?” Tauriel asked. “Most of the dwarves I’ve met use axes or swords. I had never heard of a dwarf who used a bow before I met you,”

Kíli hesitated before saying anything, multiple possible answers flipping through his mind before he settled on one. “Well, it better shows how special I am,” he winked. Though by the slight narrowing of her eyes, he could tell that she noticed him avoiding the question.

Kíli wracked his brains for something that would allow him to change the subject. Fortunately, a moment later, they were joined by Legolas and Lady Arwen.

“My Lady,” Kíli jumped up, bowing in respect. “Prince Legolas,” 

Legolas dipped his head in acknowledgement. Arwen smiled slightly.

“Prince Kíli,” she bowed her head. “Tauriel,”

“Lady Arwen,” she dipped her head in respect. “It is an honour to see you again,”

“Please, call me Arwen,” she said. “And the honour is all mine,”

“Are you enjoying yourselves?” Kíli asked, remembering his duties as the hosting party.

“Oh yes, it’s quite wonderful, though the dance is somewhat different from elvish dance,” Arwen said.

“If you would prefer it, I am happy to tell the musicians to play something more suitable for you during the next dance,” Kíli offered. “After all, this is gathering of fun and sharing cultures, and as we have shared our culture with you, we would be delighted to learn more of yours,”

Besides, it might give him a chance to dance with Tauriel again.

Lady Arwen smiled. “You’re too kind, Prince Kíli. I can accompany you to suggest some music for the musicians,”

“Of course, My Lady,” Kíli said, and he led her to the musician, where she requested elvish dancing music, and he made sure they complied. Thankfully, it went smoothly, and soon, they started playing the song she requested.

It was a slow song, much slower and more elegant than anything he had ever danced to. He watched as Lady Arwen and Legolas started to dance, their movements like water amongst the rest of the crowd. As strange as it was, he couldn’t keep a smile off his lips. He almost wanted to ask Tauriel to dance again.

_ Don’t,  _ he reminded himself.  _ You’re in a good place right now. _

Thankfully, she didn’t seem to be in much of a mood to dance again.

“Where did you live before this?” she asked. “I am unfamiliar with the tale of your people,”

He smiled with an inherited bitterness. “It is not much of a tale,” he said. “Our uncle led our people to safety, blending in with humans. Some went to live with the dwarves of Moria, or with Dain Ironfoot. Uncle preferred to stay with men. Better to be his own king than a subject of others, is what he believed. Our mother, Dis, is his sister, and the two of them lived together comfortably. They raised me, you know,” he added.

“And your father?” Tauriel asked. Kíli felt his mood drop. He was suddenly very itchy.

“He was there too,” he said, praying she would drop the subject. She seemed to sense his discomfort and began to apologize.

“I’m sorry, I just - Prince Fíli brought it up earlier and I didn’t notice any discomfort on your part when he did, and I-”

Kíli waved her apologies away. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, wishing he could believe it.

Tension was closing in between them again.

He desperately searched his mind for something to change the subject.

“What did you think of dinner?” he asked finally. Tauriel brightened.

“It was lovely,” she said. “I’m starting to quite like dwarvish food,”

“I’m glad to hear that,” he said with a forced smile. He didn’t feel much like talking right then anymore. He wanted to find Fíli.

“If you would be so kind as to excuse me, milady,” he said. “I have things to discuss with my brother,”

“Of course,” Tauriel said. “I didn't mean to keep you here. I wanted to get some refreshments anyways. But, thank you,” she said. “I’ve really enjoyed our conversation.”

Kíli nodded, his eyes scouring the room for Fíli. “It’s been a pleasure,” he agreed as he spotted his brother’s golden head amongst several darker ones. He weaved his way through the crowd, tapping his brother on the shoulder.

Fíli turned around, and before either of them could say anything, Kíli tilted his head slightly.

_ I have to talk to you _

Fíli lifted his chin towards a small back exit, and wordlessly, the two brothers made their way there.

Once they were there, Fíli raised a heavy eyebrow.

“She brought him up,” Kíli muttered. A flash of anger crossed Fíli’s face. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. 

“It’s alright,” Kíli’s hurt had started to fade back into the corners of his mind again.He focused on earlier events of the evening, including one that made him want to jump like a child at the memory of it.

“Did you see?” Kíli asked. “We danced together,” the words felt giddy and heavy all at once, and saying it made him feel lighter.

“I saw,” Fíli said, a trace of emotion on his face that Kíli couldn’t quite place. He sighed. “Well, I’m glad to see you two getting along,”

“Because of the marriage thing?” Kíli confirmed.

Fíli wrinkled his nose. “Don’t call it that. And in all honesty, I don’t know if it’s happening. It just seems like a possibility,”

Kíli shook his head. “I can’t marry her,” he said.

“Why not? You two just danced together, you might as well be courting,”

Kíli shook his head again. He wasn’t sure why, but it felt wrong. “She doesn’t like me,” he eventually said. “Not the way I do. It’s not fair for her to have to marry someone she doesn’t like,”

“That’s what political marriages are,” Fíli said, not for the first time. “Besides, she’s King Thranduils’ ward. She probably accustomed herself to the idea a while ago,”

Kíli kicked the wall. “Still don’t think it’s right,”

“I know,” Fíli rested his hand on his brothers’ shoulder. “But if it happens, there isn’t much you can do about it,”

Now it was Kíli’s turn to sigh. “I know,”

He rubbed his brow, trying to massage away the headache forming above his eyebrows. “I can’t dance with her,” he eventually said. Fíli shot him a quizzical look.

“Why not?”

“Don’t you think this is killing me?” he hissed in exasperation. “To be so close to her, to  _ dance  _ with her, and to know that she means none of it?”

Did he know that?

_ Yes, _ he told himself. He wasn’t going to let himself get hurt like this.

“I know,” Fíli murmured. “I know,”

His voice was tired, painful understanding laced in his words, and now it was Kíli’s turn to glance a question at him.

He shook his head ever so slightly, not meeting his brothers’ eyes, and Kíli knew that he wouldn’t get any more information about it tonight. He had already started scanning through every girl Fíli had entertained to figure out who it was he was talking about.

“What am I supposed to do?” he asked. “How am I supposed to marry her, live with her,  _ dance _ with her, and live the rest of my life knowing that she means none of it?”

But Fíli was shaking his head. “You don’t do it for you,” he said. “You do it for Uncle, for Mother, for Erebor. But not for you. It’s the price you pay for your bloodline,”

“I never  _ asked _ for my bloodline,” he complained.

“Do you ever regret it?” Fíli asked quietly.

Kíli looked down. “No,” he said in a small voice.

Fíli looked like he wanted to get a final word in - a last “see?” or “told you!” - but was refraining from further comment. Kíli smiled.

“I’ll do it,” he said. “But only for you,”

Fíli winked. “Yes, I’m aware that I’m the best elder brother a dwarrow could ask for, no need to thank me,”

Kíli punched him in the arm. 

“Ow!” he said before they both dissolved into laughter.

Fíli tilted his head. “Come,” he said. “Let’s go find Mother. She’s dying to hear more stories. Besides, don’t you have something to give her?”

His stone.

It felt heavy in his pocket, heavier than it had a moment ago.

Kíli nodded. “Yeah,” he said, then smiled. “Let’s go,”

As he made his way towards his mother, he looked around. Erebor was starting to feel a little more like home.


	8. matchmaker

As Kíli made his way over to his brother, Tauriel weaved through thralls of dwarves to get to the refreshments. As she did, the full realization of what she spent the past quarter of an hour doing hit her. 

_ I danced,  _ she thought

_ With Kíli _ , her mind reminded her

_ With a friend, _ she thought firmly. Though she knew all too well that his feelings were not exactly friendly. She grimaced as she thought of what she had done. She shouldn’t have agreed to dance. Not for her sake - she quite enjoyed herself - but for his. She could see the agony warring with exhilaration in his eyes before he left, and she hated that she was the cause of it. She hated that she felt bad. And she was surprised too. Surprised that they had grown so close so quickly despite their differences - and his feelings for her. But what if it was all her? What if she was reading too much into everything they did?

Was she so desperate for a friend?

As she was in the midst of this personal crisis, she reached the refreshment table, bumping into Sigrid.

“Oh!” she said. “I’m so sorry,”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sigrid said, brushing some stray crumbs off of her dress.

“You look lovely,” Tauriel told her. And she did. The blue tunic was very becoming on her. Sigrid blushed and looked down.

“Thank you, ma’am,”

“How have you been?” she asked. “I’ve hardly had a chance to speak to you,”

“I’m...I’m good,” Sigrid nodded. “Things have been quite interesting here lately, thanks to all of you,”

“Well, at least you aren’t bored,” she smiled. 

“No, I’m definitely not,” she agreed, scanning the room as though she was looking for something. Tauriel narrowed her eyes ever so slightly. She wasn’t quite sure about it, but something about Sigrid reminded her of herself. Maybe it was the way she never got the spotlight. After all, she had a brother and a young sister - people’s attentions would slide past her and latch onto her brother because he was male, or her sister for being the youngest and most adored. Poor Sigrid seemed to fade into the shadows.

“So what do you do for pleasure?” Tauriel asked, curiosity overcoming her. “Do you read, draw, hike?”

“I like to sew,” Sigrid said, eyes lighting up with a passion she had never seen in them. “I made this dress myself,”

Tauriel raised her eyebrows. “I had no idea,” she said honestly. “I thought you had gotten it tailored,”

Sigrid pursed her lips, still slightly craning her neck to see something past Tauriel. “Well, yes, I suppose I could have, but I wanted this to be special, you see? I already had quite a lot of it done before, and after the first few days when everyone was tending to each others’ wounds, I finished it up. Something to pass the time, you know?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Tauriel nodded. “Though I must confess, I’ve never been all that good at sewing. I’ve always admired those who could, but I’m not a particularly patient person, and sewing seems like something that takes quite a lot of that,”

“It’s really not all that difficult. I can show you some stitches if you like,” she offered.

From personal experience, Tauriel knew better than to refuse something like this. “Of course, I would love that,” she said. “And I can teach you how to hunt,” she added, but Sigrid had caught sight of whatever she had been looking for, and no longer seemed to be paying attention to their conversation. There was a slight smile on her face, though she didn’t seem to be aware of it. 

Curious, Tauriel followed her gaze, only to land on Prince Fíli, who ushered his brother to go somewhere while he himself fixed a braid.

She covered her face to hide her growing amusement. Of course Sigrid had enjoyed Fíli’s company. While they were tending to Kíli, they had spent quite a lot of time together, telling stories and taking turns watching Kíli. She had paid no attention to it at the time - she was more concerned with keeping her patient from dying - but going back to those memories, it was all the more clear that Sigrid had developed feelings for Fíli, whether or not she herself was even aware of it.

When she thought about it, she could see them as a happy couple.

She cleared her throat slightly, and Sigrid’s attention snapped back to her. 

“Oh, sorry, I was, uh-”

“It’s okay,” Tauriel cut in with a smile. “You can go back to whatever you were doing. I was actually going to go over to Fíli, I have a question about tomorrow’s schedule,”

She glanced at Sigrid quickly, hoping to see her reaction.

“Oh!” her face cleared up. “Well, I’m finished here. I can accompany you if you like?” she offered. 

“I wouldn’t want to trouble you,” she said, forcing a hesitant note into her tone.

“Oh no, of course not,” Sigrid waved her off. “It’s no trouble at all,”

Tauriel had to bite the inside of her lip to keep her amusement from showing as the two of them made their way over to Fíli.

“Captain Tauriel,” he said as they reached him. “Lady Sigrid,” he rested his eyes on her. “It’s lovely to see you here,” he said. He had addressed it to the both of them, but Tauriel could tell it was more to Sigrid. 

_ Well, then my work here is done, _ she thought. Outwardly, she said. “Yes, lovely to see you too. I had a quick question, if you don’t mind, about the schedule for tomorrow?”

“Yes?” he asked, his attention still completely on Sigrid as he turned to face Tauriel. She had to stifle her mirth before asking her question.

“Is lunch to be eaten separately? My own agenda has nothing for lunch, though it has breakfast and dinner marked down,”

“Ah, that must have been a mistake. Lunch will be held at the same time as usual,”

“Thank you, Prince Fíli, you’re too kind,”

“Not at all,” he said. “I’m glad to be of service,”

Just then, Kíli came over. “Hello again,” he waved cheerfully before turning to his brother. “Mum wants you,”

He nodded silently, then cocked his head. “Ah, the dance will be over in a few minutes. Looks like I’ll have to sit the next one out,” he said wryly. 

The mention of dancing made her suddenly even more aware of Kíli, but thankfully he seemed disinclined to ask her for another dance.

“I shall probably go see if Legolas is available for the next one, though King Thranduil seems keen on having him dance the night with Lady Arwen,” she said. “Sigrid, do you have a partner?” she asked, turning towards the girl, hoping Prince Fíli would catch on. She blushed slightly and mumbled out a “No,” 

“Really?” Fíli seemed surprised. “If you want, I would be honoured if you would be my partner for the next dance,” he said. “Seeing as neither of us are engaged,” he added.

“Oh!” Sigrid looked flustered. “Well, yes, that would be - thank you,” she fumbled through a curtsey. “I’m honoured,”

Tauriel was struggling to contain herself. She looked over Fíli’s shoulder, locking eyes with Kíli, who seemed to be having an equally difficult time keeping the glee off his face.

“Well, if you want to dance, you should hurry up and talk to Mum,” Kíli said.

“Alright, alright, I’m going,” he said. “Sigrid, wait here. I’ll be done in a moment,”

“Actually, I’m going to sit down for a moment and finish this,” she said, pointing to the snack on her plate. “I’ll be right over there,” she pointed to the closest group of tables. Fíli nodded, and the two of them went their separate ways.

Which left Tauriel alone with Kíli.

Fortunately, the events that had just transpired were far more interesting than any feelings between them. Tauriel started to laugh, and Kíli joined her.

“They’re so obvious,” she said. 

“In all honesty, I didn’t notice until right now,”

“To be fair, neither did I, though looking back, it’s clear that they’ve been interested in each other since we stayed with Bard,”

“Really?” Kíli looked intrigued. “I might have noticed if it weren’t for the fact that I spent most of that time unconscious,”

“Well, I’m sure you would have noticed quicker than I, considering he’s your brother,”

“Fair enough,” he said. “But I want to hear all about it,”

Tauriel smiled. “Well, she was constantly bringing him food and drink while we were there, more than anyone else. And sometimes they would sit and tell stories to each other, or he would braid her hair,”

Kíli, who had been smiling pleasantly up until this moment, snapped to attention.

“He braided her hair?” he asked, incredulous. Tauriel thought back to that night she had first come, while she was healing Kíli. The tension in the air. The way Fíli nearly wore a rut into the floor from pacing. Oin’s stern yet gentle reprimanding and his order to sit still before he had two patients to treat. Fíli’s nervous, fidgety energy channeled into weaving the straw feed for the animals. Sigrid, shyly coming up to sit next to him and telling him his braiding was beautiful. 

Tauriel nodded. “He was so worried about you thatÓinmade him sit down before he could wear down the floor. He started weaving straw, and Sigrid complimented his braiding, so he braided her hair. I thought that he was keeping himself busy and just trying to be nice, but judging by your expression, I’m assuming that I’m wrong,”

Kíli nodded, seemingly still in shock. “I’m not sure how it works for elves, but for us, hair is incredibly important. We usually do it ourselves, and to let anyone else do it for you?” Kíli chuckled a little. “It means that you trust them with your life. The only people who have ever done my hair besides my mother are Fíli and Uncle Thorin,”

Tauriel raised her eyebrows. “I didn’t know that about dwarven culture,” she said. “So for Fíli to braid her hair, it would mean that-”

“-He will protect her with his life,” Kíli finished.

The proclamation felt heavy, and Tauriel widened her eyes as she realized how much they cared for each other.

“But so soon?” she asked. “Is that like your brother?”

“I don’t know,” Kíli’s features looked pinched, almost troubled. “It might have been a show of goodwill or kindness instead, because I’m sure that Sigrid has no idea of what that means,” 

“Of course not,” Tauriel said. “She may not even know that Fíli feels for her as she feels for him. Do you think he may have done it just to avoid offending her?” She offered.

“We grew up with humans,” Kíli said. “I’ve never once seen him do that,”

“Maybe he felt indebted to her?”

“But why? She didn’t heal me, though I’m sure that wasn’t for lack of trying,” Kíli sounded almost agonized. “Are you quite sure he  _ braided _ her hair? Maybe he was simply playing with it or helping her tie it up?”

“Would that make a difference?” Tauriel questioned.

“Absolutely,” Kíli nodded earnestly. “It would still be a sign that he was interested in her, but nowhere near as significant,”

“You know, I could be wrong,” she said slowly. “About the braiding, at least. I heard her  _ mention _ braiding, but I may have misheard or missed part of the conversation,”

“Are you sure?” Kíli asked, hope glimmering in his eyes.

“Well, I’m not certain, but it is likely,” she said. “After all, I was a little preoccupied with keeping you from dying,”

Kíli looked down and chuckled. “Yes, thank you for that,”

“So don’t worry,” she said. “I’m sure he didn’t braid it,”

“I hope you’re right,” he muttered, then blinked. “I sound like my mother,” he laughed. 

She laughed a little too. “It’s alright to worry about him,” she said. “I’d be worried too if I though Legolas had pledged himself to someone he had just met,”

At the mention of Legolas’ name, a shadow passed over Kíli’s face, but it was gone almost before she could register it.

_ Is he really jealous of him? _ She thought. 

“You know, because he’s like a brother to me,” she added. 

“Mhmm,” Kíli nodded, but his thoughts seemed preoccupied. “What about Óin?” he said. Tauriel pressed her brows together.

“What about him?”

“He might have seen what Fíli did. And I can’t fault  _ you _ for not knowing the significance, but-” he lowered his voice. “-if Fíli did play with Sigrid’s hair,Óinwould take notice,”

Tauriel nodded slowly. “You’re quite right,” she said. “Very well, you askÓinwhat he saw, and I’ll talk to Sigrid,”

“Good plan,” he said.

Tauriel smiled a little as a thought occurred to her. “Do you know what this reminds me of?” she asked.

“What?”

“When I was younger, there were people whose entire lives were dedicated to things like this. They spent all of their time discussing who fancied who. I always wanted to join them,” she said, that last part a little wistful.

“So why didn’t you?”

She pretended to think about it for a moment. “I don’t know,” she lied. 

_ Because I was never good enough for them _

She wouldn’t tell him that. 

There was a momentary silence between them. 

“Well, I’m going to go find Óin,” Kíli said. “The music is starting,”

“Oh!” She hadn’t been paying much attention to it. “I’m going to find Legolas,”

“Alright,” Kíli said. “I’ll let you know what Óin says, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said.

Kíli winked. “Tomorrow then, my lady,” 

Tauriel hadn’t taken two steps in the opposite direction before she turned around. “Kíli?” she called. 

Kíli turned around, eyebrows raised in a question. 

“Just Tauriel, okay?”

Kíli eyed her slightly suspiciously, then smiled. “Tauriel it is,” he said before turning back to find Óin.

As she weaved through the crowd - there was no way Legolas would be free now - she found herself quite preoccupied with the predicament of Fíli and Sigrid.

She had to admit, they would be a lovely couple.

The realization that she was acting like  _ those _ people had hit her quite hard, but what was even more surprising was that she was  _ enjoying _ herself. Maybe she just enjoyed being invested in someone else’s love life rather than her own.

Speaking of which…

She was surprised by how well the dinner had gone. They had apologized to each other, danced, and then discussed Fíli and Sigrid quite easily. In fact, after he had spoken to his brother, Kíli showed no signs of any discomfort or awkwardness around her. He treated her like a friend.

But why did that make her uneasy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! sorry it took a while to post, i was suuuper stuck on this chapter for almost two weeks and then wrote this in about two days. anyways, reading your comments is what kept me going, both in terms of my writing and just bad days in general. i really, truly appreciate you guys, and i love hearing what you guys think about this fic!


	9. homesick

Kíli hurried over to the other end of the room, where Óin was talking to Bilbo. He prayed to Mahal that Tauriel was right and Fíli had only played with Sigrids’ hair. If he had braided it...well there would be no turning back.

“Oin!” he called. Óin turned around.

“Yes?”

Kíli stopped as he reached him, panting slightly from the stress. 

“I have to talk to you,” he said. “Excuse us, Bilbo. It will only be a moment,” Kíli dragged Óin away so they could talk privately.

“What is it?” Óin looked slightly put out about having his conversation interrupted.

“While we were at Bards’ house,” he started. “Was anything going on between Fíli and Sigrid?”

Óin raised an eyebrow. “You mean he didn’t tell you?”

Kíli felt his heart sink. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that it was obvious from the first day that they were interested in each other. And look,” he pointed towards a cluster of tables. “They’re dancing,”

“Yes, yes, I  _ know _ they’re dancing, but what I mean to ask is-” Kíli lowered his voice. “-did he braid her hair?”

Óin stepped back slightly. “Braid her  _ hair _ ? Of course not,” He started laughing. “Whatever put such an idea in your head?”

A sigh of relief escaped Kíli. “Thank Mahal for that,” he said. “Tauriel must have been wrong,” 

“What do you mean?”

“Well, she said that he braided her hair, but she also said she could have been wrong,” Kíli explained. “Did he play with her hair at all?”

“Well, now that I think about it, he  _ may  _ have helped her put it up. I don’t remember very well, you see. I was a little busy keeping you alive,”

“Clearly so was everyone else,” Kíli grumbled.

“Don’t worry. If he had braided her hair, I would have noticed,”

“I know,” he said. “That’s why I asked you. I’m sure Tauriel will be asking Sigrid the same question,”

Óin raised an eyebrow. “How’re things with her?”

Kíli found himself suddenly more alert. “What are you talking about?” he asked, pretending he was unaware.

“Don’t think we’re blind, laddie. We know there’s something between you two,”

“She’s a friend to me. Nothing more,” he said firmly, trying to convince himself as much as Óin. Somehow, he got the feeling it wasn’t working.

Óin eyed him suspiciously. “Hmm,” he said. 

Kíli chuckled a little. “What?”

“Be careful, is all,” he warned. “You youngsters like to be crossed in love every now and then, but don’t let it get too serious. Especially not with the likes of her,”

Kíli felt himself getting defensive. “What do you mean?”

“Calm down, lad, I just mean that she’s one of them elves, and nothing good has come out of a dwarrow-elf relationship in millenia. Come to think of it, I don’t remember the last time such a union ever existed,”

“I get it,” Kíli said, unsure of why he was so irritated by Óins’ words. They were the same words he told himself every day anyways. He sighed. “I’ll be off. Go back to your conversation,” he said. “And thank you,”

He quickly left before Óin could protest, a strange surge of discomfort washing over him. What was he so defensive about? And why - why was he so worried about Fíli?

Is that what this was?

He was happy for him, of course. He’d had his fair share of troubles, and it was lovely that he had found someone he was happy with. But he felt the need to talk to someone about it. There was something he was feeling that he couldn’t quite figure out, and he needed to tell someone about it.

But who? Fíli was no longer an option, and while he normally would have gone to his uncle with these problems, this time, he didn’t think he’d be able to. He was not just his uncle anymore, but a king, and as king he had duties, and in this case, those duties might clash with what Kíli himself wanted. Who did he trust enough to talk to?

Mother.

Almost unthinkingly, his feet started taking him to where she sat, knowing that when nobody else could comfort him, she could.

“Hello again,” he said as he reached her, reaching down to hug her.

“Good of you to remember me,” she joked, smothering him in a warm embrace.

“Ah well, I was passing by, thought I’d drop in,” he smiled. She swatted him slightly on the head, affectionately insulting him in Khuzdul as he took the seat in front of her.

“So what’s wrong?” she said.

“What do you mean? Can’t I come see my mother because I love her?”

“Oh, you  _ can _ ,” she said. “But something’s bothering you, isn’t it?”

Kíli sighed, dropping all pretenses. “It’s a long story,” he warned. A thought struck him. “And, uh, Mum?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t get mad,”

“Well, now I’m worried,” she smiled. “What did you do to your uncle?”

He laughed slightly. “It’s nothing to do with him,”

“That’s a first. Fíli?”

“Sort of,” And he explained to her the story of his meeting Tauriel, of her healing him, of his confession (here he was red and refused to look her in the eye for fear of her anger - or laughter), of the battle, and finally, of the events of the past few days. By the time he was finished, he was shocked by how insignificant it must have all seemed to her. A barely-there romance between a dwarrow and an elf? He looked down, waiting to hear her laugh, but it never came. Eventually he met her eyes.

“Is there anything else?” she asked quietly.

He nodded once, quickly. “This is the part that involves Fíli,”

“Go on,”

“While we were at Bards’ house - where Tauriel was healing me - his children were also there. One of them was a young woman, whose age seemed equivalent to mine or Fíli’s. There, she is with him now,” he pointed to where the two of them were dancing. 

“Ah,” his mother said with understanding in her voice. “Are they-”

“Not officially. But they’re interested in each other,”

“Well that’s lovely, isn’t it?”

“I guess,”

His mother raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”

“I don’t know,” he said through a sigh. “Nothing really,”

“Come, tell me,”

“Why should it work out for him?” he exploded. “They’re not of the same species. By rights, if I can’t have a relationship with an elf, then he shouldn’t be able to have one with a human. Why should he get that and not me? What’s the difference?”

He knew very well what the difference was.

His mother sighed. “Sweetheart, these things are complicated. You know that. Has there ever been a war between dwarrows and men?”

“No,” he sulked. “I know  _ why _ it’s different. I just don’t think it’s fair,” a sudden thought struck him. “Do  _ you _ mind?”

His mother pondered his words, and each agonizing second felt like a year to Kíli. Eventually, she answered.

“I wouldn’t say I’m happy about it. You know how Thranduil shunned your uncle,” Kíli felt his heart sink. “But Tauriel is not Thranduil,” she added. “Even if she is an elf. I-” she sighed. “I won’t stop you,” she said.

Kíli knew he should feel happy. He should be elated by her reaction, considering how close she was to her brother. But even as he pondered his victory, his stomach felt hollow and empty.

“Thank you, Mother,” he hugged her before wandering away. His energy was all but spent, what with the events of the past few days, and he desperately wanted to go back to his room and rest. Of course, that was no option, not for the next hour at least. So instead he turned towards the face of the mountain, back to the open cave where he went the previous night.

~~

As Kíli reached the mouth of the cave, a breath of cool air washed over his face. A sigh of relief escaped him as he closed his eyes, letting the breeze and night air envelope him. He wasn’t one for being alone, but every so often, there was a quiet satisfaction to having his own space.

He tried not to think of what had happened the last time he had been up here. The sound of music was still mingling with laughter somewhere in the deep caverns of the mountain. 

A soft voice came from behind him. “Kíli?”

He knew that voice. 

He spun around to see his brother standing at the mouth of the cave.

“Yes?”

“Are you alright?”

Kíli hated that question. Someone would ask, he would lie, and then he would feel even worse. Why couldn’t they talk about the weather instead. But this was Fíli.

“Fine, why?”

“You seemed a little tense,” he said as he walked over to where Kíli was standing.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lied. 

There was a suffocating silence, threatening to explode.

“So,” Kíli finally said. “Sigrid?”

Fíli looked down, face red. “So you know,”

“Not until tonight,” Kíli sighed. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“I-” Fíli bit his lip. “I thought you would be hurt,”

_ Because of Tauriel _ , Kíli thought, knowing exactly what his brother was leaving unsaid.

“I’m not,” he said. “I’m happy for you,”

“Thank you,”

There was another awkward silence.

“Do you want to talk about her?” Kíli asked, the same way he did when they were children. Fíli’s face lit up, the same way it did when they were children.

“She has the most beautiful eyes,” he said. “Deep brown and gold, and when she looks at you, it feels all warm and light. And her laugh is the most precious, beautiful sound I have ever heard. I’d do anything to hear it again. And she - she feels like home,” Fíli said wistfully. Kíli tilted his head slightly.

“You’re homesick,” he realized.

“Of course I am,” he said softly.

“But-” he started, then stopped himself. If Sigrid was home, then she was home. Who was he to say anything about it. “I’m glad you met,” he finally said.

“Yeah?” 

Kíli smiled. “Yeah,”

Even if it meant that he was no longer home for his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the shorter chapter, i’ve been pretty busy. but i’m excited for the next one!! let me know what you think 😊


	10. friendships

_ Do you think she could have loved me? _

The question was plaguing Tauriel again, echoing in the chambers of her mind. She wasn’t sure what caused it - Kíli’s plain friendliness towards her? The fact that he no longer seemed to obsess over her the way he had ever since they’d met?

Is that not what she had wanted?

It was strange, this little shift in their dynamic. It was unfamiliar, that was all. Then again, everything that had happened within the past few months was unfamiliar. As she pondered the whispered question, Sigrid came to sit next to her. She forced her thoughts away from Kíli and turned to give Sigrid her full attention.

Sigrids’ eyes were bright, her face flushed with excitement.

“So?” Tauriel prompted, her worries with Kíli pushed back as Sigrid and Fíli took center stage. Sigrid smiled, covering her face a little.

“I didn’t think he’d ask me to dance,” she said. “At least, not in front of everyone,”

“It was very sweet,” Tauriel agreed.

“We danced before, you know,” she confessed. “While you were all staying at our house,”

“Really?” Tauriel raised her eyebrows in surprise.

Sigrid dropped her voice to a whisper. “Sometimes, when you and Óin shooed him out while you healed Kíli, we would talk. Sometimes, I would have to go out for food and cloth, and he would come with me. We would stay out a little longer, go to a small dance house and dance, or share a treat from the bakery, or he would bring me flowers,”

Tauriel smiled, mind racing as she thought of how Kíli would react to all of this.

“Are you officially courting then?” she asked.

Sigrid bit her lip. “Not yet,” she said. “Fíli still has to speak to Da about it, but he promised to do that before the week is out,”

Tauriels’ jaw dropped. “Congratulations!” she stammered out. She grasped Sigrids’ hands. “I’m so happy for you,”

“Thank you,” Sigrid said through a smile. She looked at something over Tauriels’ shoulder - she presumed it was Fíli - and stood up.

“Do you mind if I-”

“Go,” Tauriel said. “Have fun,”

Sigrid giggled slightly and left. Tauriel stood up a moment later, the revelation of the night running through her mind.

_ I have to tell Kíli _ , she thought excitedly as she scoured the room for him. There he was - sitting at an empty cluster of tables. She skirted the dance floor, hurrying over to the table he was sitting at. As she got closer, they made eye contact. She smiled, a flutter of excitement at her news passing over her heart. She sat on the chair opposite him, still smiling. Kíli smiled cheerily back.

“Hello again,” he said.

“You’re not going to believe what Sigrid told me,” she started. “But first, did you speak to Oin?” she asked.

He nodded. “You were right, he was just helping her tie it up,” 

Relief washed over her, though she wasn’t entirely certain why. It didn’t mean anything to her if he braided her hair or not. Maybe it was just seeing Kíli so relieved.

“That’s great,” she said.

“So, what did she tell you?” Kíli asked, leaning forward. 

“She says that they used to go to a dance house and dance together, and he would buy her flowers on their way home,”

Kíli nodded in approval, and Tauriel, praying that her last bit of news wouldn’t upset him, when resolutely on. “She also said that he promised to ask Bard for permission to officially court her later this week,”

The news didn’t shock him as much as she thought it might. He pressed his lips together and nodded silently, as though lost in though.

Tauriel felt her heart sink. “Are you not happy?”

When he spoke, it was in a quiet, strangled voice. “I - I am happy,” he said.

“That was the most unhappy confirmation of happiness I have ever heard,” she informed him. Why couldn’t she just drop it? What was she doing?

Kíli closed his eyes. “I’m happy,” he repeated. “It’s just coming as a bit of a shock,”

“Are you sure?” she asked, eyebrows pressed together. 

_ Leave him alone _

_ This is what friends are for _

_ You are not friends _

He nodded. “I’m sure,”

She gazed at him, knowing full well the lie in his heart. But what could she do? Tell him that she knew he was lying? Tell him that after everything they’d been through in the last few months, she knew him well enough to sense his lies? Tell him that she had paid enough attention to him that he couldn’t lie to her? He would think…

She didn’t want to hurt him.

Just as the silence between them was becoming painful, Sigrid and Fíli walked past. Sigrid was chattering gaily about a dress she had made, and Fíli, far from being bored, was gazing at her adoringly. 

An ache shot through Tauriel as she watched the happy couple. If someone ever looked at her the way Fíli looked at Sigrid, she would never want anything again.

She dared a glance at Kíli, whose mouth had tightened into a hard line as he watched them wistfully. He was very decidedly avoiding her gaze.

Somehow, that irritated her more than anything, and she had every intention of getting up and leaving in a huff, but she found herself unable to leave.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked. “Because I know you’re upset,”

Why did she care? Why did she want to know?

Maybe she was hoping that they shared the same pain.

He pursed his lips, and she could almost sense his desires warring in his mind. Eventually, he nodded.

“I guess I do,” he sighed. Tauriel leaned forward expectantly, a slight thrill coursing through her as she realized that he trusted her. He looked up, avoiding her gaze.

“There’s not much to tell,” he confessed. “We’ve always been so close. We would say that no matter where we were, as long as we had each other, we were home. Then today, when he told me about Sigrid, he said that she felt like home. Which is lovely, don’t get me wrong,” he confirmed. “I’m happy for him. I just feel a little…”

“Replaced? She suggested. Kíli looked up at her gratefully 

“Exactly,”

She tilted her head slightly. “I don’t think he’s trying to replace you. Maybe he’s trying to take a burden off of you,”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

Tauriel twirled a strand of her around her finger. “He’s older than you, isn’t he?”

Kíli nodded. 

“Maybe it’s not that you’re being replaced, but he’s allowing you to take a break. If you have always been home for each other, it almost confines you to each other. Maybe he knows that you aren’t meant to be confined,”

Kíli looked pensive, but his expression had started to soften.

“Maybe you’re right,” he said. “That would certainly be much nicer than wherever my thoughts had taken me,”

She smiled, pressing on. “Talk to him,” she said. “He won’t know how you feel if you don’t let him know. You should tell him what he means to you,”

She wasn’t sure who the words were for.

He smiled, looking back up at her. “Thank you. You’re a good friend,”

He was saying something else, but Tauriel couldn’t hear him. All she heard was that last sentence, repeating incessantly in her head.

_ You’re a good friend _

Had he finally accepted it, then? Had he, at last, acknowledged that they could never be anything besides friends? If so, why did that rub her the wrong way?

This is what she had wanted.

She blinked, shaking her head as if to swat away a fly. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t focused,” she said. “What were you saying?”

“I was asking, what do you plan on doing when you return home?”

She grimaced internally. Surrounded by splendour and cheer and love, she didn’t feel much like thinking about the dark cages of Mirkwood.

“I’m not sure,” she said. “In all honesty, I am still unsure that I want to return,”

“Oh?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s like I said last night,” she said. “There’s so much out there that I haven’t seen,”

Kíli nodded. “I’ve...felt the same way recently,” he admitted. “Erebor is a wonderful place, but I don’t know that this is where I need to be. At least not yet. But I don’t know how I could ever tell Uncle or Fíli about this,”

Here, Tauriel sympathized. “King Thranduil is not fond of people leaving either. But I don’t belong there,”

“Are you certain that you want to leave?” he asked, leaning forward.

She pursed her lips, weighing her options. On one hand, she would finally be free to do as she wanted, free to do good instead of hiding behind Thranduil’s selfishness. 

On the other, she didn’t know that she could ever return.

Would she want to?

When she thought about it, the only thing she wanted to return to was Legolas. 

“I do,” she said. “But I want to be able to go back. Thranduil would banish me as soon as I set foot outside of Mirkwood,”

He furrowed his brow. “That’s awful,” he said, then tilted his head. Tauriel could almost see the wheels turning in his mind.

“Maybe you could cut a deal with him? You’ll do something for him if he allows you to go? Oh!” he brightened. “Maybe you can be an ambassador,”

Tauriel opened her mouth to argue, but found no words. She closed her mouth, half-surprised at the genius of the idea.

“That could...work. How did you-”

He winked at her. “What can I say? I’m amazing,”

Tauriel rolled her eyes. “You’re an idiot,” 

“You wound me,” 

She gave him a deadpan glare, which he met with a wink as he leaned back in his chair, pushing his braids off of his face.

“Are you going to talk to Fíli now?” she asked.

Kíli twisted his mouth. “Maybe tomorrow,” he said. “Besides, I was thinking of leaving the mountain tonight,”

“We can just...do that?” Tauriel asked, furrowing her brow.

“Yes?” he said, looking at her askance. “ _ We’re _ not holding you prisoner,”

She swatted her hand at him. “Please, that was one time. And it’s not like it was  _ my _ order,”

“Of course, because you were going to let all of us go free immediately,” he nodded solemnly. She snorted lightly.

“Shut up,”

Kíli raised his hands in surrender. “Hey, I’m not saying anything. But yes, you are allowed to leave the mountain,”

Why had she though they weren’t allowed to leave?  _ I guess I’m so used to being confined that I forgot I can be free _

She nodded silently, lost in thought. She wasn’t exactly familiar with the area, and since Laketown was not exactly open for visitors at the moment, where would she go?

“Do you...want to come with me?” he offered.

Tauriel felt her breath catch in her throat. There was no way she was going with him. It would only end in disaster. She’d never be able to face Legolas again.

“Sure,” she said. “I’d really appreciate it,”

~~

Tauriel stood at the foot of the mountain, carrying only a small rucksack, her quiver, and her bow. Kíli should have been here by now.

_ This is the worst decision I’ve ever made _ , she told herself. Nothing about it made sense. Not only did it not make sense, it was an actively terrible idea. What if they got caught? Technically there was no rule against it, but the thought of being caught out at night with a dwarf - and Kíli, no less - was more than enough to warm her cheeks. She didn’t want to think about Legolas’ teasing, and she couldn’t even begin to imagine Thranduils’ reaction.  _ If he’s not here in five minutes, I’m going back inside _ , she vowed.

Fortunately, he showed up only a few moments after.

“Hey!” he smiled. 

“Shhhh,” she whispered aggressively, shushing him with panicked movements. 

He looked at her and laughed slightly. “We are allowed to be here, you know that?”

“I know, it’s just-” she cut herself off. Was she really about to tell him that she didn’t want to be seen with him?

“Okay, okay, fair point,” he said, though she hadn’t actually made her point yet. “This way,” he gestured towards his right.

They walked the next couple of minutes in silence, Tauriel’s excitement growing. She wasn’t all too sure why.  _ I guess I wanted an adventure of my own,  _ she thought.

After a few more moments, Kíli stopped. “Okay, they won’t hear anything now,” 

Tauriel released a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Okay,”

Kíli looked at her expectantly. “So, do you have anything you want to talk about?”

“What happened with your father?” she blurted out, covering her mouth immediately afterwards.  _ Are you  _ insane _? _ She thought. She tried to backtrack quickly. “I-I’m so sorry, I don’t know - just - I’m sorry, that’s not - damn,”

“No, no, don’t worry about it,” he said. “I wasn’t exactly hiding it,”

“You don’t have to answer,” she said as she felt her cheeks burn. 

“It’s alright,” he said. “Our father wasn’t a good man,”

Tauriel bit the inside of her cheek, nodding. 

“I don’t remember too much about him. Our mother was going to leave him, but she found out that she was pregnant. She didn’t want to end up with no support or money for us. She had Fíli, and then while she was still nursing him, she had me. We’re only a year apart, you know,”

“What about your uncle?”

Kíli twisted his mouth wryly. “Uncle was...dealing with his own issues at the time. I’ve never been told the full details, but he wasn’t able to support us. By the time I was born, though, he had settled down enough for us to come stay with him. And here we are,” he gestured to himself.

Tauriel felt like kicking herself. “I’m sorry,” she said again.

Kíli shook his head. “Don’t be,” he said softly.

They were silent for a moment, then Kíli spoke.

“Well, I think it’s my turn to ask you something,”

She felt panic rising in her, but nodded.

“What’s stopping you from leaving Mirkwood?”

She sighed in relief. Easy question. “If I leave, I can’t go back,”

“What do you have to go back for? You’re not happy there. You have no family there. Your relationship with King Thranduil seems strained at best. Why not just leave?”

Tauriel had a few potential answers running through her head, but since he gave her the truth, it was only fair that she did the same. And the truth boiled down to one thing.

“Legolas,” she admitted. “I can’t leave him,”

Kíli nodded slowly. “You love him,”

She shook her head. “Not the way you think,”

Kíli looked surprised. “No?”

“No,”

“Then why stay for him?”

Tauriel bit her lip, unwilling to answer this part. But what did she have to lose?

“He’s the only one that cares about me,” she admitted, her voice breaking slightly on the last part.  _ Damn. Not now _ , she thought as her eyes burned.

“Not the only one,” Kíli whispered, shaking his head.

Her breath caught in her throat as she met his eyes. “Kíli, I-”

“I’m not going to pretend that anything could happen between us,” he cut in. “Even if you wanted it to. All I’m going to ask for is a chance to be friends. Nothing else,”

She could feel the energy pulsing in the air, the tension nearly tangible. Unwittingly, her memories flashed back to a similar conversation she’d had with Legolas, when they were barely teenagers. And here she was, over a hundred years later, with nothing changed.

“Of course,” she said, her voice echoing with her memories. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted,”

Wasn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was super fun to write! i haven't had this much fun writing this fic in a while haha. anyways, hope you enjoyed this, and i think you're gonna like the next chapter ;) (at least, the part that i've figured out so far). anyways ty for reading, it means so much to me, and as always, your comments are what kept me going


	11. attacked

_ I can’t believe I just said that,  _ Kíli thought. But as embarrassing as it was, he was relieved to hear her answer. At least she was open to being friends. There was still the question of their potential marriage, which she might not even be aware of. But he would consider that later. Right now he was dealing with an awkward silence in the middle of the woods. He wracked his brains for something to say. 

“Do you want to go hunting?” he asked. They both had their bow and quiver, and he brought his knife.

“Hmm?” she asked, clearly shaking herself out from deep thought. “Oh, hunting. Sure,”

The two of them walked in silence, looking for potential prey.

“I wonder what sort of animals live here,” he mused aloud.

Tauriel snapped her fingers. “Right, I keep forgetting you’re new to this area too. You don’t act like it,”

“Really?” he said, surprised. It felt very new to him.

“You act like you’ve been here your entire life,” 

“I’m good at change,” he smiled. “We have to be,”

“Oh?”

Kíli shrugged. “Yeah, it’s kind of passed down through our families. You’ve been living in the same place forever, haven’t you? And your family too, I imagine,”

She nodded silently. 

“We’ve been moving for centuries,” 

“That’s true,” she conceded. 

Kíli felt another silence descending on them. “Well, it’s not like it’s King Thranduil’s fault,” he said sarcastically.

Tauriel laughed, her voice like honeyed chocolate, and Kíli wanted to  _ melt _ .

_ Stop, _ he said.  _ She wants to be your friend. Nothing more _

Suddenly, she stilled, nudging his shoulder and pointing to her left. He silently swivelled his head, catching sight of a small deer. He reached for his quiver, but Tauriel was faster. Before he could nock his arrow, hers had already pierced its side.

“Nice,” he said, awe filling his voice.

She brushed her glowing red hair out of her face. “Thanks,”

Kíli felt a desperate urge to talk to her, not about mundane things such as the weather or hunting, but about themselves, their dreams, their fears, their lives. 

Is that not something you would do with a friend?

“I don’t think I’ll stay in Erebor,” he said, unsure of why he had actually spoken. Tauriel tilted her head. 

“No?” she asked. “Why not?”

He pursed his lips, trying to find the best way to verbalize his feelings. “I guess…” he started. “I don’t want to. I want to travel and learn and meet new people and explore Middle Earth. I can’t do that here, now can I,”

She nodded. “That does make a lot of sense. And you would be able to return whenever you wished, so there’s no question of loyalty,”

“Exactly,” Kíli said enthusiastically, ecstatic at the connection they were establishing.

“So what? You’ll simply tell King Thorin that you want to leave?” she asked. He shrugged.

“Why not?”

She wrinkled her nose. “Because you’re a prince, and you have duties to the throne. Who knows what your uncle has in store for you?”

_ Like our potential marriage _ , Kíli desperately wanted to say, but he managed to bite his tongue. She probably didn’t know about it, or else she wouldn’t have agreed to accompany him to the woods.

“I suppose so,” he said. “But I’m sure Fíli can handle everything himself,”  _ Except our marriage _ , he thought again.

_ Will you shut it? _ He asked his mind, to no avail. His thoughts were consumed with their potential marriage and what it held in store for them.

“I’m glad you let me join,” she said. “I really needed to leave, to be in a forest, to go hunting,” she gestured at the splendor of the woods they were in as she picked her arrow out of the deers’ side. “Do you want to cook this now or later?”

“Let’s get a couple more animals,” he said. He wanted to hunt too.

Fortunately, his chance came within minutes, when he spotted a small rabbit and put an arrow through its eye.

He looked involuntarily at Tauriel, hoping for some sign that he had impressed her. She smiled back, approval written all over her face.

“Let’s gather firewood,” she said, picking dry sticks off the ground. Once they had gathered a sizable amount, Kíli set to work, trying to get the fire started. As the minutes ticked past, and still no substantial fire was made, he started to grow worried. Tauriel sat beside him.

“Let me?”

“Be my guest,” he said, throwing the sticks down in frustration. He watched her arrange the sticks into a small, cone-like structure, burnished hair falling over her shoulders. She placed her hands gently on the cone, murmuring gentle words too low for Kíli to hear, and the wood burst into flames.

Kli gaped at her. “Not fair!”

“You said you wanted my help, didn’t you? Here’s my help,” she said with a smile. 

“Still not fair,” he pouted. “I don’t have fancy magic,”

“Aren’t dwarves miners? Aren’t you supposed to know this kind of magic?”

Kíli crossed his arms. “Well,  _ yes _ , but I’ve never worked in a mine,”

“Fair enough. Can you cook?”

“Of course I can cook,” he said, snatching the deer from her. He pulled out his knife, skinning it as close as he could.

He skewed it onto the spit, leaving it to cook as he leaned back. Her hair tumbled over her shoulders, as fiery and graceful as she was. He could think of nothing else. 

“I’m surprised you’re eating this. I did not think elves were fond of meat,” he said.

She shrugged. “It’s not uncommon for us to eat meat. Plants are just more to our taste,”

“Anything good here?” he asked, gesturing at the general greenery. Really, he just wanted to sit down and share a meal with her, but if she didn’t like the meal, what was the point?

“I’m not sure,” she said. “Do you want to go forage?”

“Of course,” he said, brushing a braid off his face as they stood up.

After a few moments of scanning, Tauriel stopped, bending over to pick a small leaf.

“This is an elvish delicacy,” she said in awe. “It’s very rare in Mirkwood,”

Kíli looked at the plant, feigning interest. “Well, there’s plenty for you to take back,” he said. Really, it looked like one of those plants he would use to line a homemade birds’ nest. Not even a nice one. But if she wanted to eat it, who was he to stop her?

She dropped to her knees, carefully picking as many leaves as she could. He kneeled down next to her.

“Here, let me,” he said, moving to pluck a leaf from the twig. She held her hand out to bar him. 

“No, no, not like that,” she said. “Like  _ this _ ,” she gently held a leaf, twisting it at the root until it broke off. He mimicked her actions, and a few minutes later, there was a sizable pile of leaves between the two of them. 

“Do you want to head back?”

“Sure,” she said, and they headed back. Kíli wanted to make conversation, but all he could think of was the meal they were going to share together.

Unfortunately, his plans went to waste; as soon as they got back to the fire, they saw that the deer and the rabbit had been stolen.

“What?” he asked.

“Who would do such a thing?” she asked incredulously, nearly dropping the leaves in shock. Kíli closed his eyes, sniffing the air. There was a strange, murky scent mingling with the crisp forest air. Something nasty, foul. Almost like-

“-ORC!” he yelled, whipping out an arrow. Tauriel mimicked his actions as two orcs leapt from the underbrush.

“One for each of us,” she said as she shot her orc in the arm. Kíli wanted to respond, but his orc pulled out a sword and started swinging. He dodged the blows, shooting whenever he was able to. But then, right when he thought they would defeat the orcs, eight more ran out from the shadows.

“Oh shit,” he said, pulling out another arrow. He and Tauriel stood back to back, warding off the orcs as best as they could. Tauriel even managed to take one down. But Kíli was running out of arrows, and neither of them had a sword.

“Tauriel!” he called over his shoulder. “I need arrows!”

“I do too!” she said.

_ Damn it _ , he cursed to himself. “Can’t you use some fancy elf magic?”

“Ignorant dwarf,” one of the orcs growled. “You think elven spells will work on us? Lord Elrond could barely keep us at bay. You trust the magic of a  _ child _ ?”

“I hate to admit it, but he’s not wrong,” she said. “Duck!”

Kíli ducked, and an arrow whizzed over his head.

“We have to lose them!” she said.

“How?”

“I don’t know!”

“Well, figure it out!”

He battled more orcs, fist fighting and shooting his way through the wall of evil.

“Two down!” he called as he watched one of his arrows pierce one of the orcs. Just then, an arrow grazed his arm. He turned to the orc, reaching behind him to nock an arrow.

He came up empty.

_ Oh shit _

The orc grinned when they locked eyes. “Gotcha,”

Kíli faced him, chin up in defiance. “Not yet you have-”

An arrow pierced his side. He collapsed, pain shooting up his body, and before he could recover, the orc had him pinned down, sword against his neck.

“ _ Kíli! _ ” Tauriel screamed. 

There was a hazy cloud of nothing over his vision, ears ringing. Through the haze, he saw a flash of red whirling around, attacking left and right. He heard Tauriel cry out in pain, then stumble to the ground.

A sense of deathly calm settled over him. If this is how he was going to die, next to the woman he loved, then so be it.

He could see the sword raised over him, closed his eyes, and waited for the stroke to fall.

It never came. Instead, he heard a fierce yell, swords clanging, and a familiar voice.

_ Fíli _

“Kíli?” he heard, his brothers’ fingers stroking his forehead. He tried to answer, but couldn’t find the energy to speak. In the distance, another figure was fighting off the remaining orcs, too blurred to make out.

“He’s wounded,” Tauriel said. “He needs medicine,”

“As do you,”

“Forget about that,”

He felt two pairs of hands lifting him, carefully avoiding the arrow in his side. There was a gleam of red, a flash of blond, and then darkness.

~~

Kíli awoke in bed, a deafening headache pounding through his ears and an ache in his side. He tried to blink his vision into focus, with little success. 

“Kíli?”

He didn’t know who said it. He tried to answer, but before he could form the words, he was back in darkness.

He didn’t know how long he spent like that, drifting in and out of consciousness. Sometimes he could hear snippets of conversations, whispered discussions over his condition. Other times he barely realized he was awake. He drifted away.

~~

As Kíli regained consciousness, the first thing he became aware of was a mop of blond hair in front of him.

“Fíli?” he asked, voice husky with disuse.

His brother sprung up, turning to face him. “Kíli! How’re you feeling?”

He rubbed his eyes. “How long?”

“About a week,”

_ A whole week? _

“You’re joking,” he said.

“Just thank Mahal you’re alright,” a gruff voice came from the corner of the room. 

“Uncle!” Kíli’s face brightened as the king made his way over to the bed. 

His uncle embraced him as best as he could while he was still in bed, carefully avoiding the injury. Kíli looked at his side, a tangle of scars knotted around a scab. His uncle’s gaze followed his, his face darkening as he rested his eyes on the injury.

“You’re lucky to be alive,”

“I know,” he said, shuddering at the memory of how outnumbered they were. Suddenly, a thought struck Kíli. “Tauriel. How is she?”

Fíli nodded. “She’s alright,” he said. “That orc hit her leg, but it was nothing serious,”

“We need to talk about that, by the way,” Thorin added. Kíli felt himself deflating. Of course they did. It didn’t exactly look good.

“Do we?” he groaned. 

“Yes,” he said sternly. “What were you doing out there?”

“We were hunting,” he explained. Thorin raised an eyebrow, unconvinced.

“Hunting?”

“Well, I decided to go out, get some fresh air, all of that, and after a bit, I saw Tauriel, so we decided to stick together and go hunting. She was looking for a type of leaf, so I went to help her, and when we got back to the fire, we were attacked,” he summarized, gritting his teeth through the lie.

“Hmph,” he said, eyeing him disbelievingly. “Well, I have some news for you, if you’re up for it,”

Kíli blinked slowly. “Sure,”

Thorin sat down. “Brace yourself,” he warned, taking a deep breath. Kíli furrowed his brow, tension knotting inside him. Was this about his marriage?

“As you know, there has been a lot of tension between us and the Mirkwood elves,” he began. “And King Thranduil and I believe there should be an alliance between us,”

_ So it is the marriage _ , he thought. Finally.

“To form this alliance, we have decided to unite our houses in marriage.” he confirmed. “So in two moons, Fíli will be marrying Tauriel,”

_ What? _

Kíli felt his heart drop. Beside him was Fíli, equally concerned. 

“Uncle, I was unaware of this,” he said, meeting Kíli’s eyes in a silent promise. 

“I know. We did not want to worry you,” he said. 

“But you said-”

“I know. But things changed,” Thorin cut in. “You will be officially engaged next week,”

Kíli felt hollow, tears smarting his eyes. 

_ This isn’t how it’s supposed to be _

_ You’re only supposed to be friends, _ he reminded himself

_ This is all wrong _

“Uncle, I understand your position, but with all due respect, I must decline,” Fíli said.

Thorin furrowed his brow. “Decline? What are you talking about?”

Fíli took a deep breath, squeezing Kíli’s fingers. “I am currently courting Bards’ daughter, Sigrid,”

Of course! He would’ve asked Bard for his consent by now. The two brothers eyed Thorin nervously, waiting for his reaction.

“Sigrid?” he asked. “Since when?”

“I asked Bard for permission a few days ago,”

Thorin blinked. “I see. But this isn’t optional,”

“Why can’t it be Kíli, like it was supposed to be?”

Thorin shrugged. “There are changes because her biological parents weren’t of royal blood, so in order to strengthen this union, it’s more prudent that she marry the next heir to the throne,”

Fíli was shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this. Don’t you understand?” he asked. “I  _ love _ Sigrid. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and no other,”

Thorin sighed, looking as though he had aged ten years. “I’m truly sorry,” he said. “But this is the way it has to be,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehehe


	12. admissions

“Kíli’s awake,” Sigrid said as she entered the room. Tauriel dipped her pen in the inkpot, rising quickly to her feet, the letter she was writing forgotten.

“He is?”

“Yes,” she said.

“How is he?” she asked, heart fluttering with worry and guilt.

“He’s - he’s alright,” she said, her voice breaking slightly. Only then did Tauriel turn to see her friend’s eyes rimmed with red, face puffy with tears.

“What happened?” she asked, aghast. “Did something happen to Fíli?”

“Not exactly,” she said, biting her lip.

“Tell me,” she sat back down. But Sigrid shook her head. 

“No, go see Kíli,” she said. “I would rather not talk about it,”

“Are you sure?” Tauriel asked, unease growing in her. “I don’t mind-”

“Go,” Sigrid cut her off. 

The two of them locked eyes for a moment. She wanted to stay with her friend. But - she couldn’t deny it - she wanted to see Kíli too.

“Please,” she whispered. Tauriel bit her lip and sighed.

“Okay,” she said, leaving Sigrid as she closed the door softly behind her. Her thoughts and attentions - though slightly diverted by Sigrid - were for Kíli. The seemingly endless days she had sat beside him, begging him to wake up, were fresh in her memory. Was it not this morning she had gone to see him? She couldn’t be sure; time moved differently without him. 

As soon as she thought that, a teasing voice rose in the back of her mind. 

_ Shush _ , she thought.  _ I feel the same way about Legolas _

True and not true. She did feel lonely without him, and yes, her days did seem to blur. But she was starting to notice slight differences in the way she felt about the two of them. With Legolas, she could remember a period of slight awkwardness between them, in the few years following his confession to her. Kíli - a much more recent acquaintance - had confessed to the same thing - but there was no discomfort between them. It was odd, she admitted as she knocked on the sickbay door. 

“Come in,” a rough voice said.

She opened the door. “I heard you were awake,”

“Tauriel,” he said, with none of the emotion she had grown accustomed to. She furrowed her brows slightly. Did he blame her for his injury?

She shook her head slightly, as though to shake away an idiotic notion. He was tired, that’s all.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better,” he said. “Fíli and Thorin left a little while ago,”

“I’m sorry, I would’ve been here earlier, but Thranduil kicked me out,” she said, moving to the chair near the bed.

Kíli frowned. “Kicked you out?”

“Well, I’ve been here almost the entire time, you know. Thranduil made me leave earlier this morning,” she said. She felt her cheeks starting to warm - thank Eru elves don’t blush easily - as she realized that he might not have known that she was there.

“Ah, I see,” he said, then fell silent. 

Tauriel furrowed her brows in concern as she watched him lie back down, seemingly disinterested in her. It was a novel experience, one that she didn’t care for.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” she asked again gently. 

He grunted in response.

“Because you can tell me,”

She watched him inhale a shaky breath. “I’m fine. But, uh, may I be the first to congratulate you on your upcoming marriage,”

Tauriels’ heart dropped to her stomach.

_ This? Now? _

_ Tell him you know _

_ Act surprised _

_ Shut it, _ Tauriel thought

“I guess we both know then,” she admitted.

Kíli cocked his head slightly. “What do you mean?”

“About our marriage,” she said, lowering her voice at ‘marriage.’ 

He shook his head. “Not ours. It’s between you and Fíli,”

Tauriel blinked in astonishment, unsure that she heard correctly. “I’m sorry, did you say-”

“You and Fíli, yes,”

She felt her heart race, muddled thoughts swirling through her mind.

“How? He’s courting Sigrid. They’re in  _ love _ ,” she said. Kíli shrugged.

“Apparently that means nothing to either of our kings,”

She shook her head. “Absolutely not. We’re not separating them now,” a sudden thought struck her. “Does Sigrid know?”

He nodded. “Fíli went to go find her after they left,”

She pressed her fingers against her mouth in horror. “That’s why she was crying,” she said. 

“I guess so,” he said, then continued staring at the ceiling in silence. Another thought crossed her mind, and she facepalmed herself at her stupidity.

“Damn it,” she muttered. No wonder he was upset. She was marrying his  _ brother _ .

“Kíli,” she said. 

“Hmm?” he asked sullenly. 

“I’m not going to marry him,”

He laughed bitterly. “What does it matter? It was never going to be me,”

Her heart twisted. “Don’t say that,”

“It isn’t,” he said. “Why don’t we stop pretending that you care and go our separate ways?”

She pressed her lips together. “I do care. Just not the same way you do,”

“You pity me,”

“That’s not it,”

Kíli looked away. “Then what is it?”

_ What is it? _

She didn’t know. Friendship, yes, but not the same sort of friendship she had with Legolas. It wasn’t what he wanted it to be, but it wasn’t what she wanted it to be either.

“Friendship,” she finally said. “Is that not enough?”

After an agonizingly endless moment, he nodded. “It is, but -” he sighed. “This isn’t easy for me,”

She pondered this for a moment. “Would it help if we were not friends?” she asked. She didn’t know why she had asked it - she hoped that the answer would be ‘no.’ In an instance, a life flashed before her, exactly the same as it had before she had met Kíli. A bleak wave crashed over her at the prospect. He was silent, then nodded.

“I think it would,” he said in a low voice.

Tauriel raised her head in dismay and shock. They locked eyes, an unspeakable exchange taking place in their glances - unspeakable not for how vile or crude it was, but because there were no words in all the languages of Middle Earth that could begin to capture it. She couldn’t look away.

“Okay,” she whispered. “I will leave you now,”

As the door to the sickbay thudded behind her, she wondered why it felt so final.

~~

“Sigrid?” Tauriel said, knocking on the younger girls’ door. “Can I come in?”

“I suppose so,” she said. Tauriel opened the door to reveal a puffy-eyed Sigrid on the bed. She moved to sit next to her. “How’s Kíli?”

At the mention of his name, Tauriel’s heart twisted. She had tried to avoid thinking about what had just happened. “He’s okay. He told me about Fíli,”

Sigrid looked down. “So you know,”

“I do,” she said. She released a breath. “I’m so sorry. This was never meant to happen, it was supposed to be me and Kíli,”

“I know,” she said. “But what does that matter? It’s you and Fíli now,” her voice broke on her lovers’ name. Tauriel bit her lip.

“You blame me,”

Sigrid looked up at her. “Never,”

At this, Tauriel put her arm around her friend. Sigrid turned around to bury her face in her shoulder, letting her bitter tears soak into her tunic. 

“I won’t marry him,” Tauriel whispered. “I swear it to you,”

“You don’t have to do that,”

“I will,”

Sigrid pulled away, drying her eyes. “How?”

She had been wondering that herself. “I’ll meet Thranduil, try to talk some sense into him. After that-” she shrugged. “-I don’t know,”

She nodded slowly, then spoke. “I’d like to be alone right now, if that’s alright,”

“Of course,” she said, hugging her as she got up to leave. “But don’t worry. I promise you that I will not marry him,”

She closed the door behind her, leaning on the wall. A part of her felt bitter - did the entire week she had spent by his side, the ridicule she had faced from Legolas, mean nothing to him? Another part of her knew that she would’ve made the same decision. And yet another part of her didn’t care about anything that was going on with Thranduil and Thorin and Fíli and Sigrid and just wanted things to be the way they were supposed to be. She had to marry Kíli. She had made her peace with it. Why couldn’t everyone else? 

As she was contemplating this difficult puzzle, Fíli came hurrying down the hall, evidently on his way to console Sigrid. When he caught sight of Tauriel, he stood in front of her and bowed slightly. 

“Milady,” he said.

She nodded, but as he tried to walk into Sigrids’ room, she barred the way.

“I promised her I wouldn’t marry you,” she said. Fíli blinked, then sighed. 

“There isn’t any other option,”

“What about Kíli?” she demanded, a growing sense of desperation fuelling her boldness. He raised his brow. “Kíli?

She lowered her voice slightly. “Listen, it makes no difference to me whether it’s you or him. But it makes a great deal of difference to you and Sigrid,”

He was silent, and Tauriel had the strong urge to shoot something. Finally, he nodded. “If you are able to find a solution, please do. I will do what I can to help you,”

She nodded solemnly. “I will go to see Thranduil, make him see reason. If he refuses, I will need help,”

“Good luck,” he said, knocking on Sigrid’s door as Tauriel moved aside. She walked away from the wing, making her way to Legolas’ room. She knocked on the door.

“It’s me,”

“Come in,”

She opens the door slowly, walking over to the couch in his room, practically falling onto it in exhaustion and irritation.

“How’s your arm?” he asked, referring to where the arrow had pierced her.

“It’s fine,” she said, rubbing the scabbed skin.

“How’s your dwarf friend?”

Normally she would have shot him a scathing glance, but today it was all she could do to answer the question.

“He’s fine,”

Legolas looked at her. “What happened? Does he blame you?”

She shook her head, taking a deep breath as she decided to tell him. “Your father changed the alliance pact,”

“The marriage?”

She nodded. “I’m to marry Fíli instead,”

Legolas furrowed his brow. “Would you not prefer that?”

“Are you mocking me?”

“No?”

She rolled her eyes. “Fíli is courting Bard’s daughter,”

He raised his chin and pursed his lips. “Ah. That is unfortunate,”

“I promised them I wouldn’t go through with it,”

“Of course you did,” he grumbled. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to talk to Thranduil, make him see reason,”

“And how exactly do you plan on doing that?”

Tauriel pursed her lips. “I’m not entirely sure yet,” she admitted.

“Alright,” he said, leaning forward. “You cannot convince him that you would rather marry Kíli. If anything, he would be upset by that,”

“True,” she said, ignoring the twinge in her heart.

“But you can convince him that it would be cruel to separate a young, happy couple,”

“Does your father know anything but cruelty?” she grumbled.

He placed his hand on hers. “He does not know that Fíli is courting someone. It’s a sliver of hope, but it’s something. He’s in his room now. Go talk to him,”

She looked up at her friend, an inexplicable mixture of warmth and pain mingling in her as they locked eyes. Legolas blinked.

“Tauriel,” he breathed. “What’s wrong?”

Her breath hitched. “He won’t talk to me,”

“Kíli?”

“He’s hurt that I’m marrying his brother. He said that he would prefer it if we were not friends, that it would be less painful for him. And - I can’t help that I’m not in love with him,” she said in a tight, coiled voice that broke on the last sentence.

Legolas gazed at her in amazement. “Do you not know?” 

“Know what?”

“ _ Muínthel _ , you are more blind than I thought. How are you so unaware of your own feelings?” he said, shaking his head. “You think you do not love him?”

“I don’t,”

Legolas smiled softly. “You cannot see your eyes soften when you speak of him. You cannot hear your voice lilt when you say his name. You did not see the pain I saw in your face when you said that he would not talk to you,”

She blinked, her breath catching in her throat. “I can’t,” she whispered.

“But you do,”

She was silent.

_ Do you think she could have loved me? _

_ No, _ she told herself.

Something deep inside of her heart hummed, whether in approval or disapproval, she couldn’t be sure. 

“I can’t,” she echoed, shaking her head. “I won’t,”

Legolas looked at her, rolling his eyes slightly. “Alright. Go convince Thranduil to let you marry him. You know, for Fíli’s sake,”

“Hey!” she protested. “You know that’s not why I’m doing it,”

He said nothing, but looked at her oddly. 

~~

Tauriel paced in front of Thranduil’s chambers, worry knotting in the pit of her stomach. She knew he was there, that he would hear her out, but listen? Perhaps not. And how could she make it sound as though she was saying this  _ purely _ for Fíli’s sake, when she herself wasn’t sure how pure that intention was?

_ I’ll tell him about how much he and Sigrid love each other,  _ she said.  _ I’ll tell him that it makes no difference to me, but to them _

She knocked on the door.

“Come in,” Thranduil’s bored voice came through.

“It’s me,” she said as she opened the door.

“Tauriel,” she said, not looking up from his letter. “Is the young princeling awake?”

She felt her cheeks warm ever so slightly. “He is,”

“And are you satisfied that you are under no blame for his injury?”

_ No,  _ she thought.

“I am,” she said.

“Good,” he said, dipping his quill into an exquisitely crafted inkpot, the one he used when he was writing very important letters. “I assume this little episode is over,”

“Actually, I had something I wanted to talk to you abou-”

“So do I,” he interrupted. “I’ve been putting it off until you were able to think straight, but I believe now would be a suitable time,” he said, in a commanding voice that left no doubt that it did not matter whether or not  _ she _ found it a suitable time. She nodded.

“I would like to know,  _ seldë _ , why you were in the woods with that dwarf,”

Tauriel gulped. This is exactly the topic she had wanted to avoid. 

“I had gone out before him,” she started. “I wanted some fresh air, maybe to hunt a little. We bumped into each other, and he suggested we stick together in case of anything going wrong. Which, it turns out, went quite well for us,”

Thranduil narrowed his eyes. “Stop lying, child,”

“I’m not lying,” she protested, gritting her teeth through the lie. 

His piercing gaze rested on her, searing through her the way it always did. She lowered her head instinctively.

“What did you want to tell me?” he asked.

_ Finally _

“Well, you see, I’ve become aware that I will be married to Prince Fíli,”

“Yes,”

“Are you aware that the prince is courting another woman?”

Before Thranduil nodded, there was that split-second of confusion on his face.

She shook her head. “You didn’t know,”

“I hardly see that it matters,”

“It does,” she said. “You cannot separate a young, happy couple. Sigrid is beside herself in tears and pain. The prince can hardly stand to look at me, knowing what the future holds. It is unfair to the both of them, and to me,”

“How so?” Thranduil said with an obviously feigned disinterest.

“Sigrid is a dear friend of mine. I cannot bear to be the source of her pain. Besides,” she pressed on. “It hardly matters to  _ me _ which one I marry. The union will be fulfilled either way. But it matters a great deal to them, and as we are trying to maintain peace within our communities, does it not seem fair to give them this?”

Thranduil cocked his head. “What of Prince Kíli?”

She blinked. “What about him?”

“Do you think I am blind, child? Do you think I do not know how he sees you, what he feels for you? Do you think I do not see his anguish, how he longs for you?”

Tauriel’s cheeks warmed, visibly this time. “If he has such interest in me, then perhaps a union between us would be more prudent. I do not think Prince Fíli would be so keen as his brother to wed me,”

Thranduil seemed to be considering her words, and Tauriel allowed herself a moment of hope. It was in vain, unfortunately.

“I’m afraid it has already been set in motion. There is no way, no need, to change anything,”

“But, My Lord-” she tried to protest.

“-But nothing. This is not a decision I am making on my own. For the good of this alliance, I will agree to King Thorin’s one demand, and you will wed Prince Fíli,”

His tone left no argument. 

“I see,” she muttered, nodding stiffly. “Good day,”

She stalked over to the door, a heavy, sinking feeling in her stomach as she opened the door. She turned around to see Thranduil looking up, seemingly lost in thought.

“You don’t know how much they mean to each other,” she said. “You don’t know what you’re doing,” 

And with that, she closed the door, running her hand through her hair as she came face to face with Legolas.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I wanted to see how it went, though by your expression, I believe I can guess,”

“It was awful,” she groaned. “He didn’t listen to a word I said,”

Legolas placed a comforting arm around her. “Don’t worry,” he said. “He’ll come around,”

“Apparently King Thorin is the one demanding I marry Fíli. But I can’t talk to him about it, now can I?”

“No, you can’t,” Legolas mused. “We’ll see if Kíli will, and if he still refuses to change it, you can both talk to Thorin and Thranduil together. There may be a misunderstanding,”

“I suppose,” she grumbled. Legolas chuckled to himself.

“You need to stop denying your feelings. It won’t make them less painful,”

She shot a pointed glance at him.

“Kíli was my friend, nothing more. Now we are just acquaintances who nearly died together multiple times. I feel nothing for him,”

“Keep telling yourself that,” he said.

“I will,”

“Will you be joining us for dinner today?” he asked, changing the subject. 

She sighed. For the past week, he’d brought meals up for her while she sat with Kíli. Had he said that he would like to continue their friendship, she would have continued doing the same until he was well enough to come for dinner. Now, it seemed that she would be joining the rest of the party.

“I suppose so,”

They made their way down for dinner, but despite Legolas’ stream of constant chatter, with Kíli and Sigrid out of the picture and Fíli unable to look at her, she found it a rather lonely meal. 

“Do you want to go up?” Legolas whispered.

Tauriel nodded, and retired early. As she lay in bed, thinking about the events of the day, she bit her lip and sighed, praying to go to sleep.

~~

Hours later, she was dreaming.

_ Kíli was talking, delirious _

_ “Tauriel… _

_ You cannot be her. She is far away from me _

_ She walks in starlight in another world _

_ It was just a dream _

_ Do you think she could have loved me?” _

_ Their fingers interlocked _

The dream morphed

_ Lying under the stars, a dark mop of hair next to her own _

_ “Do you know the tale of Lúthien and Beren?” _

_ “No,” Kíli says. _

_ She tells him, gazing at the constellations. _

_ “That’s beautiful,” _

_ “It is,” _

_ “Maybe a tale will be written about us someday,” _

_ “Maybe,” _

Tauriel woke, a smile upon her face, the words of her dreams dying on her lips.

Then she realized what she had been dreaming.

“I swear to Eru-” a stream of elvish curses spewed from her lips, cheeks darkening at the thought of what had just occurred.

Was she falling in love with him?

_ He’s just a friend _

Friends didn’t dream about going stargazing. Friends didn’t dream about having a tale like that of Lúthien and Beren written about them. Friends didn’t dream about love confessions.

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, this is a longer chapter, but i really really hope you enjoy it! it took me a while and quite a few things happened that i wasn't expecting, but here you go!


	13. meleth-nin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry this took so long! i've been super busy with school and my injury and i've not had a lot of energy to write. but i rewatched the hobbit yesterday to give myself that push, so here you go! i hope you enjoy this one :)

“You need to stop sulking,” Fíli advised his brother, who, in response, sank deeper into the covers.

“No,”

“You’re the one who told her you don’t want to be friends. What do you want her to do? Disrespect your wishes and come anyways?”

“Maybe,”

He could feel his brother rolling his eyes. “Just tell her you’re sorry and you didn’t mean it,” he said. Kíli pouted.

“It’s not that simple,”

“Why not?”

“There’s no point to it if she’s marrying you,”

“We are not getting married,” Fíli said forcefully. “No matter what Uncle or Thranduil say. You will wed her. I will wed Sigrid,” his cheeks darkened slightly at the last sentence, though the point still stood. Before he could protest with another whine, there was a knock at the door.

“Come in,” he called, and the door swung open to reveal Bilbo, carrying a bowl.

“I’m sorry, am I interrupting anything?”

Kíli smiled. “No, not all,”

“Good to see you, Bilbo,” Fíli said, nodding his head. “I’m sorry I can’t stay, I have some business to attend to,”

“Oh, that’s quite alright. I just wanted to keep Kíli company,”

“Well, I appreciate it,” Kíli said. “Please, sit,” he gestured to a chair near him.

“Thank you,” he said, handing Kíli the bowl. Kíli looked appreciatively at the warm chicken soup, and took a small bite.

“It’s good,” he said, smiling at Bilbo.

“So, how have you been?” Bilbo asked as Fíli left the room.

“Well…” Kíli tried to sum up his feelings from the past few weeks. “...tired,” he settled on. Bilbo leaned back in his chair.

“Well, I can believe that, we’ve hardly seen you. Though I suppose that’s natural, seeing you’re a prince and all,”

Kíli nodded, not really aware of his own actions.

“I’m sorry, is this a bad time?” Bilbo asked. “You seem preoccupied,”

“No, no, not at all,” he said, shaking his head as if to rid himself of his thoughts. “I was just distracted for a moment,”

Bilbo looked at him. “Because of Tauriel?”

“What?” Kíli looked at him, shocked. Bilbo smiled.

“Come now, Kíli, everyone knows there’s something between you two. You’ve hardly left each others’ sides since she arrived, and she’s practically lived here ever since your injury,”

“She has?” he asked, confused. “Why?”

“Well, you might do better asking her that yourself,”

Kíli’s heart sank. “I can’t,” he said.

“Why ever not?” asked Bilbo.

“Well,” he started, then stopped. How could he explain his attachment to an elf? But then it hit him — Bilbo wouldn’t mind. He was probably the only person he could talk to who wouldn’t judge him. Even Fíli found it strange, he could tell, though he didn’t mind. Bilbo, however, wouldn’t find anything strange about it. 

“You see, it all started when we got captured in Mirkwood. Tauriel is the one who captured me, and I ah, got her attention,” he said, cheeks reddening slightly at the joke he had made. In his defense, it really was a decision of panic. 

“After that, she came to my cell to talk to me. We had what you might call a _moment_. But then you freed us, and I didn’t think I would see her again. You obviously remember our escape from Mirkwood, and how that orc shot me in the leg and caused me to stay with Bard. While we were there, they realized that the wound was poisoned. I don’t remember much else, except she came and healed me, and I said some other things to her, which counts as another _moment_. There was another time, where I admitted my feelings to her, and tried to convince her to come with us. She couldn’t, and I figured that was the last I’d see of her. But then she saved me during the battle, and now she’s here, and it’s been quite difficult,” he said.

Bilbo blew out his cheeks. “Well, then, that’s quite a story. But you’ve been spending all your time together now, I’m sure things are alright,”

“There’s more,” Kíli warned. “That was all before Erebor,”

“Goodness,” Bilbo said. “Well, I’m listening,”

Kíli paraphrased the events of the past few weeks. “Well, I went out to the front of the mountain to get away from everything, only she came up there too, and I tried to confess to her, which backfired. We apologized later, and then danced. And then I found out that we were supposed to marry, for political reasons, which was great. We grew closer, especially trying to convince Fíli and Sigrid to officially court, and then we went out for a walk, and well, you know how that ended,” he gestured at his leg. “Then we learned that the courtship was changed, and that she is to marry Fíli, which nobody wants to see happen. But there doesn’t seem to be anything to do about that. And earlier today she came to see me, but it’s just...it’s been so hard. I told her, at first, that I wanted to just be friends with her, but it was so much. When she asked if it would be easier for us to be indifferent acquaintances, I agreed, but I’m regretting my decision now,”

“I see,” Bilbo said, lost in thought. “Well, that is a story. May I offer you some advice?” he asked.

“Go ahead,” he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not sure what I can do,”

“Well, from what I can tell, you’re scared. You say you admitted your feelings, but to whom? To her, to your brother, I presume, and to me. That’s not a very long list, is it?”

“Nobody else would understand,” he sighed. “She’s an elf. And she’s about to marry my brother,”

“Yes, well, that is a setback,” Bilbo pursed his lips. “Well, I want to help. Would you rather talk about it, or do you want me to talk to her for you, or what?”

“We’ve been trying to convince Uncle and King Thranduil to keep the union as it was originally, with Tauriel and I getting married, so that Fíli and Sigrid can court. We’re not sure whose decision it was yet, but whoever it was, how can we convince them to do anything?”

“Well, first off, don’t worry about that until it’s time to worry about it. If you worry about it now and then worry about it when you have to do it, you’re doing twice the worrying for the same action,”

“I suppose so,” Kíli sighed.

“And then I want you to tell her you want to be friends. If you were as close as you say you are, I’m sure she’s feeling your absence too. I can send for her and you can tell her that you’re sorry and you were wrong,”

Kíli nodded. “That’s not a bad idea,” he said as Fíli walked back in.

“Feeling any better?” his brother asked.

“The leg is still sore,”

“I know. They said it’ll take a few more days. Hello again, Bilbo,”

“Good day,”

“Shall I send for Tauriel?” Bilbo asked.

“Whatever for?” asked Fíli.

“Kíli wants to apologize to her,”

“About time,” Fíli said. 

“Right, well then, I’ll go find her now,”

He had barely gotten up from his seat when there was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Fíli said. The door swung open to reveal Tauriel. Perfect.

“Good day, Captain,” Bilbo said with a glance at Kíli.

“Good day, Bilbo,”

“Milady,” Kíli said as he sat up as best as he could.

“Prince Kíli,” she nodded. “I’m sorry to intrude, I must speak with Prince Fíli, and was told I would find him here,” 

Fíli rose to his feet. “Would you rather that we spoke outside?”

Kíli hoped she would say no, hoped that he could continue being in her presence for a little while longer.

Fortunately, she shook her head. “It is not necessary,”

“Please sit down,” Fíli said, gesturing to a chair next to Bilbo. She did so, and Kíli noticed that she was uncharacteristically flustered, eyes darting towards him every so often. A slight frown was drawn on her face, and his grew to mirror it. What was troubling her?

Up until yesterday, he would have asked her. Now, there was an odd stiffness between them, a formality they had never experienced. 

It was unnerving.

Tauriel spoke again. “I have spoken to my king about the dilemma we are facing, and he confirms that he did not know about your courtship. I told him how cruel it would be to separate you from Sigrid now, but he said that it was not his decision to make, and that King Thorin’s one request is that I marry you instead of Prince Kíli,”

What?

“Did he say why?” he asked. Bilbo, Fíli, and Tauriel turned to him. 

She shook her head. “He did not. I assumed you might know why,”

He tried to think of something. Had he upset his uncle? Then, his words from yesterday came back to him.

“Actually, I think I do,” he said slowly. “Fíli, remember what he said yesterday?”

Fíli furrowed his brow, and shook his head. “I don’t think so?”

“Yesterday, I asked him the same question, and he said that there were changes because your parents were not of royal blood, so the union is strengthened by you marrying Fíli,” he explained. Fíli nodded as the memory dawned on him, and Tauriel pressed her lips together in some form of shame.

“Is this usual for your uncle?”

“I can’t say that it is,” Fíli said. “Though he has been badly snubbed by your kind before, so I suppose he wishes to avoid any strife by making the strongest union possible,”

“If-” she swallowed, eyes darting back towards him. “If I am not of royal blood, it will not make a difference which of you I wed. The alliance should not be defined by whom I wed, but by how happy our marriage is. And if you are in love with Sigrid,” she said to Fíli, “then it will never be a happy marriage,”

“That’s true,” he said.

“So couldn’t one of you speak to your uncle? I would do so myself, but it seems to be something more personal that I would not be able to speak of with him,”

Fíli nodded. “We will talk to him, but not yet. It is nearly lunch, and I believe there is a meeting he is attending with Dain Ironfoot immediately after. Once that is over, we will talk to him,”

“If I may,” Biblo started. “All three of you are closely involved in the situation. You might appear biased to Thorin. I can talk to him for you, if you would like?”

The three looked at each other and nodded.

“That sounds excellent. For now, will you be accompanying me to lunch?” Fíli asked.

“Oh yes, I shall,” Bilbo said. “And you, Captain?”

“Please, just Tauriel. And of course I will join you,” Tauriel said. “I believe Legolas went ahead with Thranduil,”

She, Bilbo, and Fíli stood up, and Kíli tried to do the same. They all immediately stopped him. 

“Absolutely not,” Fíli said. “You aren’t going anywhere, at least until the end of the week,”

“That’s three more days, I’m perfectly fine,” he retorted, semi-desperation growing in him. He didn’t want to be alone. 

Fíli shot him a stern look. 

“Fine,” he sighed, then turned as best as he could to Tauriel. “May I speak to you privately?” he asked. She nodded, avoiding his gaze as she gestured for Bilbo and Fíli to leave. 

“Sigrid is in her chambers,” she said.

After Fíli closed the door, Tauriel stood silently.

“Sit,” he said, gesturing to the chair near his bed. She did so, hands quivering slightly.

He swallowed, determined not to lose his nerve. “I want to apologize,” he started, staring intently at his own hands. “I said I did not want to be friends because of this whole situation, but I was wrong. I do want to be friends, even if the circumstances are less than ideal. I was being immature, and I hope you can forgive me,”

He looked up at her, trying to read her expression. Her normally serene face was flushed and anxious, and she looked down as she ran her finger over the edge of her sleeve, avoiding his gaze. After what felt like a desperate lifetime, she nodded.

“There’s nothing to forgive,” she said.

A strange feeling welled up in Kíli’s chest, one he could not put pin to. Disappointment? Relief? Some odd mixture of the two, he decided. He had, in all honesty, hoped for something more than that, at least a few sentences, but no matter. 

“I’m glad,” he said. “I suppose all that’s left of this is for us to talk to my uncle, for Fíli’s sake,”

Tauriel nodded. “For Fíli’s sake. Your uncle. Yes,”

Kíli pressed his lips together as another thought occurred to him. “Listen, you are alright with this, right? I mean, I don’t want you put into a marriage you’d rather avoid just for Fíli’s sake,” he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth right now, but there. He was saying it. “If you would rather it be him, we can call off the plan, or we just don’t prepare to talk to Thorin so he isn’t convinced,”

She cocked her head. “Why do you say these things? I would have thought switching the marriage is not only for Fíli and Sigrid’s sake, but for your own as well,”

He swallowed. “It would be, yes. But-” he couldn’t find the words to say what he meant. “-I suppose I’d rather you be happy, with or without me,” he said. He couldn’t believe he was saying it. He was finally getting the chance to marry the love of his life, and he was turning it down?

Tauriel looked away from him again. “Switching the marriage would not just be for Fíli and Sigrid’s sake, or even yours. I have to admit, my own motives are somewhat more selfish than I realized at first,”

Kíli’s breath hitched. “What are you saying?” he asked, not daring to breathe.

Tauriel seemed to be considering her words, then turned back to him. “What do you feel for me? Honestly,”

Kíli looked down. How could he explain the depth and complexity of his emotions, the innate hold she had over him that she herself was barely aware of?

“I love you,” he said simply and painfully.

She breathed a sigh of — was that relief?

“I love you too,” she said with a nervous smile.

What?

He couldn’t find the words to explain his emotions, so he simply stared at her. “You love me?” he eventually asked.

She nodded. “I could scarcely believe it myself at first. I had spent so long telling everyone that nothing was happening between us that I failed to notice what they were all seeing,”

She moved her chair to sit next to him and reached out her hand. He intertwined his fingers with hers, energy humming through him where they touched.

“Am I dreaming?” he asked her. She laughed.

“If it is a dream, let’s stay in it for a little while longer,”

He lifted her hand up, kissing the knuckle softly.

“ _Meleth nin_ ,” she whispered. _My love_

He leaned forward, waiting for her to bridge the gap between them. He closed his eyes as their lips met in a soft, gentle kiss, and he was floating on the clouds.

When they pulled away, he smiled at her. “ _Amralime_ ,”

She laughed almost tearfully. “I think I do know what that means,”

Kíli sat up further, a burst of energy renewing him. “We need to find Thorin,” he said. Now that she loved him — and he knew it for certain this time — he felt at ease with switching the marriage. He had never wanted to pressure her into anything, but her reassurance had heightened the stakes. Now two couples would be severed if Thorin didn’t agree to letting them get married.

“Slow down,” she said. “Bilbo will go talk to him. Besides, his meeting with Dain Ironfoot will be starting in an hour,”

“We won’t see him until sundown,” Kíli groaned in frustration. “What are we supposed to do until then?”

“We can do this again,” she offered, leaning forward to kiss him again. He met her lips eagerly, pressing his hands against her back as her hands tangled in his hair.

When the kiss ended, Kíli leaned back in his bed. “Does anyone else know?”

Tauriel looked down. “I think Legolas knows. I mean, I never told him — I just realized it myself — but he’s the one who made me figure it out,”

“Oh?” Kíli said, interested in how that could have happened.

She reddened slightly. “He told me that I loved you and I was blind if I didn’t know it. It was like a slap in the face, almost. It sort of cleared things up, made me realize that I was hiding my feelings from myself,”

“Well, I’m glad you’re not doing that anymore,”

“Me too,” Tauriel smiled.

“Listen,” Kíli started, then stopped. He felt his cheeks warm. “In a few days, when I’m able to get up, do you think we should maybe go for a dance?” he asked. Tauriel smiled even brighter somehow, and he felt his heart explode.

“I’d love to,” she assured him. “But not for another few days, okay? I’ve already caused you enough injuries,”


	14. braiding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! damn i am SO sorry for taking so long to update, i had exams and there was just a lot going on mentally for me and i just took way too long to get this done. but i hope the wait ends up being worth it! we're nearing the end of the story, and i'm really really excited about this one!

Tauriel had not known peace until now. She had known calm, known security, known happiness, but when she confessed her feelings to Kíli (and to herself, in all honesty), a sense of ease descended on her that she had never known before. And now that she wasn’t denying her feelings, she could fully appreciate how attractive she found him. She was at peace to laugh at everything he said without fear of leading him on. She was at peace to stare at him without fear of getting caught. She was at peace to be herself.

Kíli was relaying anecdotes from their travels.

“Do you remember what I told you about how we were captured by giants?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said, remembering the vivid picture he had painted with his words.

“Well, I left out a small detail,” he said. “You see, the giants didn’t find our camp. Fíli and I were to guard the ponies, and we lost two of them. We tried to follow them, and you can guess where we ended up,”

She laughed. “Your uncle must have been furious,”

“He didn’t speak to us for two days,” he laughed. His smile started to fade as he slipped into thought.

“You’re worried about what he’ll say?” Tauriel guessed. 

“Yeah,” Kíli sighed. “There’s really no telling if Bilbo can convince him,”

“He cares for him,” Tauriel said. “I can tell that they’re close,”

“They are. But that’s what makes this worse. I don’t want to drive Bilbo and Thorin apart for our sakes, but Thorin might just get angry with Bilbo instead,”

“You know your uncle better than I do,” she said. “But Bilbo won’t have had a chance to speak to your uncle yet. We can try something else,” she racked her brains for a solution, which miraculously descended upon her. “Maybe the four of us can speak to your uncle while Bilbo is in the room, and if he disagrees, then Bilbo can talk to him,”

Kíli was silent for a second, running his hands through his hair. How she wanted to be the one running her hands through his soft locks. 

“I think that could work,” he said. 

“I’ll go tell Bilbo,” she said, rising from her chair.

“Thank you,” he smiled as she left.

Once out of the room, Tauriel heaved a sigh of relief. She took a moment to collect her thoughts, then made her way to the dining hall.

The whole way down, Tauriel was thinking of Kíli. About his hair, his face, his voice, and about their future together. At the thought of that last one, however, her smile faded, and she hurried towards the hall to find Bilbo. So much hinged on this one conversation. If they could get King Thorin to agree, everything would be alright. If they didn’t — she didn’t want to think about that. He would listen. He had to.

When she made it to the hall, the food was just being cleared away. She saw Bilbo with Fíli and Sigrid and hurriedly made her way over to them.

“Hello,” she said.

“Hello,” they said in unison. 

“I thought you were with Kíli, is everything alright?” Bilbo asked.

Tauriel looked at him strangely. “Everything is amazing, but come, we need to talk to you,” she said rapidly, out of breath. “You too,” she gestured to Fíli and Sigrid, who followed. 

When they got back to the sickbay, Kíli sat up.

“Did Tauriel tell you?” he asked, looking at her. She shook her head quickly.

“Tell us what?” Fíli asked.

“About the change in plans,” he said, never taking his eyes off her. She nodded in relief. She didn’t want to say anything just yet.

Sigrid shook her head. “Nothing,”

“Okay, so we have an idea. Instead of Bilbo going and talking to Thorin alone, we’ll all talk to him. All four of us, together, with Bilbo in the room in case anything starts going wrong. After all, we do know this situation better than he does, and we can still try to appeal to Uncle,” Kíli explained.

After a moment, the others all nodded.

“Sounds good to me,” Bilbo said.

Tauriel and Kíli exchanged a glance, and she wasn’t able to keep a smile from flitting across her face. It was going to work.

“So when will we be able to talk to him?” she asked.

“Well, he just went to meet Dain Ironfoot, and he said it would take about an hour. So around sundown,” Bilbo said.

Beside her, Kíli sighed in frustration, and Tauriel looked at him sympathetically.

“It’ll be alright,” she said. “I promise,”

“Thank you,” he said, looking up at her with a soft, tender smile that made her melt.

There was a momentary silence, then Fíli spoke up.

“So, we’re all thinking the same thing?” he asked, looking at Bilbo and Sigrid, who nodded in unison.

“What do you mean?” Kíli asked.

“You two finally admitted you’re in love,” he said.

Tauriel blinked in shock, looking at Kíli, who smiled at her. She tried to stay serious, but when he was smiling at her like that, she might as well have tried not to fight an orc.

“Well, that look says it all,” Sigrid said. “And it’s about time,”

There was a general mutter of agreement from Fíli and Bilbo, and Tauriel looked up in confusion. “What do you mean?” she asked.

Sigrid gave her a deadpan stare. “Tauriel, you have been ignoring your feelings for  _ weeks _ . At least Kíli admitted them before you, or else who knows where you’d be right now?”

“Well, I didn’t realize until this morning,” Tauriel protested.

Sigrid laughed. “I care not. I’m just glad to see you happy,”

“As am I,” Fíli added.

“Thank you,” she smiled.

“Congratulations, you two,” Bilbo said. “I’m so happy to hear that things worked out. But this definitely raises the stakes, doesn’t it?”

“It does,” Kíli sighed.

“Can’t you tell Thorin you’re in love? He wouldn’t dare to separate two couples,” 

“He’s changed,” Fíli spoke up. “He has to make decisions he would never even consider but a few months ago. He’s not the same Thorin we knew,”

Bilbo shook his head resolutely. “He is. He’s just trying to do what’s best, and we’ll make him see that what’s best for everyone is letting you two get married,” 

“I can see why Gandalf chose you,” Tauriel said, earning a glance from everyone in the room.

“And why’s that?” Bilbo asked her.

“Well, you’re very kind hearted. You believe the best of everyone,”

“I try my best,” Bilbo smiled.

“Well, we have just under an hour,” Fíli said. “Should we leave the new couple alone?” he asked. 

“I think we should,” Sigrid said with a playful smile. “We’ll see you in an hour,”

The three stood up to leave.

“Congratulations again,” Bilbo said. “I’m sure you two will be very happy together,”

Tauriel could feel her cheeks warm, but she laced her fingers with Kíli’s anyways. When they left the room, she sighed in relief.

Only now she didn’t know what to talk about.

“Can you sing?” she blurted out unthinkingly.

“Of course,” Kíli said. “What shall I sing?”

“Anything,” Tauriel shrugged. “A song of your people,”

He smiled. “Alright, but be warned, Thorin is much better with this song than I am,”

He took a deep breath and started to hum. After a few moments, he started to sing, and had she not been holding his hand, Tauriel was certain she would have started floating in bliss.

“ _ Far over the misty mountain cold _

_ To dungeons deep and caverns old _

_ We must away, ere break of day _

_ To find our long forgotten gold,” _

He continued to sing, and Tauriel continued to smile, and she didn’t know how she had taken so long to admit that she loved him.

When the song ended, Kíli apologized again. “It sounds better when Uncle does it. His voice is deeper,”

“It was beautiful,” she said.

They sat in silence for a moment, then he spoke.

“How did you realize? That you love me, I mean. You never showed any signs of it before,”

Tauriel drew a deep breath, her mind turning over to the dreams of the previous night.

“I had a dream last night,” she confessed. “First I dreamed of that day in Bard’s house, when I healed you. But after that, it turned to something other than memory. We were stargazing, and talking. And when I woke up, I realized that Legolas was right,”

“What were we talking about?” Kíli asked, cocking his head, a soft smile on his face.

But she shook her head. “I’ll tell you when we go stargazing,” she said teasingly.

“We can go tonight,” he said hopefully. But she gave him a stern look.

“Absolutely not,” she said. “Not until your wound is fully healed,”

“Can’t you speed it up?” he groaned. “Like how you did before the battle?”

“Who do you think saved your life this time?” she asked. Kíli looked up at her in shock.

The memory of Kíli’s motionless body refused to leave her mind, the fear all the more potent now that they were courting — unofficially, at least.

“Thank you,” he said, still surprised. “I didn’t — well, I — thanks,” he stammered.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “I’m just glad you’re safe,”

He stroked her hand gently, though his expression was fierce. “I want to braid your hair,” he said.

Tauriel blinked in shock. Given how much seriousness Kíli had put on the action earlier, she couldn’t imagine him doing that.

“You want to braid my hair?” she repeated, breath catching as she remembered what he had told her the gesture meant. 

_ He will protect her with his life _

“I’ve never cared for anyone the way I care for you,” he said. “I want everyone to know that. I want the world to know that we belong together,”

“ _ Meleth-nin,  _ don’t you think that should wait until after your uncle allows us to marry? I don’t think I could bear having you braid my hair only for me to be married to your brother,”

“I suppose so,” he said quietly. “ _ Lukhudel,” _

“What did you say?” she asked.

“It is an endearment in Khuzdul,” he explained.

“What does it mean?”

Kíli hesitated for a moment. “Light of all lights,” he confessed, reddening and turning away from her. Tauriel felt herself blush too, and she quickly searched for an appropriate response.

_ “Hin lín bain sui Ithilgalad buin Aear _ ,” she whispered.

“And what does that mean?” Kíli asked.

“Your eyes are as beautiful as moonlight on the Sea,” she blushed.

He smiled and sat up a little further.

“We will convince Thorin,” he said. “And I will braid your hair, and I will marry you,”

“Exactly,” she said, her heart fluttering at his words. “That is what’s going to happen,”

Kíli turned to her. “Tell me, what are the elvish courting rituals?”

“Would we not follow the dwarvish courting rituals instead?” she asked.

“If you wish, then we will do so. I had considered blending the two together, as Fíli and Sigrid have done,”

“They have?”

“To an extent. It is a human ritual for the man to ask the woman’s father for permission to court his daughter, not a dwarvish one. But she wanted her father’s approval, so he asked Bard for permission,”

“I see,” she said. “Well, part of the elvish ritual is to write a song for your beloved,”

Kíli cocked his head. “A song. Interesting. Would we both write a song, or only one of us?”

“Generally, whoever made the first advance writes the song,” she said.

He grinned. “So I get to write you a song?”

“Yeah,” Tauriel smiled. “But it should probably wait. Gifting your beloved a song is the elven equivalent to braiding someone’s hair,” she said.

Kíli looked slightly alarmed. “Well then,” he said. “I suppose we should wait,”

“I hate it,” she said in a low voice, startling even herself. She hadn’t meant to say that aloud, but apparently she was far more comfortable with Kíli than she realized.

“Hate what,  _ amralime _ ?”

She blushed at the endearment, but continued. “I hate that our relationship is so scrutinized. Why can’t we court in peace like anyone else?”

They both knew why. For one thing, they were a royal couple. There wouldn’t be any sort of real security until after a marriage alliance. But even without that, she was an elf and he was a dwarf. They could never have had an easy courtship. In fact, this would be a blessing in disguise. Neither the dwarves nor the elves could find fault with them for marrying if it was a political play. 

But it was not a political play. They loved each other, regardless of what everyone else wanted or thought.

“You really love me?” she whispered.

Kíli sat up, brushing a lock of her hair from her face. “Had love been given a face, it would be yours, my love,” he said softly. “Not a day goes by since our fateful meeting that I do not think of you. I knew from the moment I met you that you were my One,”

Tauriel had no idea how to even begin to answer that. Fortunately - or unfortunately - there was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Kíli said, and the door swung open to reveal Fíli, Sigrid, and Bilbo.

“Hello you two,” Bilbo said.

“I hope we didn’t interrupt anything,” Fíli said with a smirk.

“You didn’t,” Kíli said, rolling his eyes. “Where’s Uncle?”   
“He’ll be here in a moment. I told him you were asking for him, but Mother wanted to talk to him first,” Fíli explained. Thankfully, the agonizing wait was over within moments, as King Thorin stepped into the room with a confused frown.

“Kíli? What is everyone doing here?” he asked.

Beside her, Tauriel felt Kíli take a deep breath.

“We have to talk to you. All of us,”

“All of you? Kíli, Fíli, what did you do?” he asked, shooting a sidelong glance at the two brothers.

“Nothing, Uncle,” Fíli broke in.

“It’s about the alliance between us and Mirkwood,”

“I see,” Thorin’s expression turned stony, and Tauriel felt as though she wanted to shrink. It didn’t help that every single person in the room was significantly shorter than her. “What seems to be the problem?” he asked.

“You said first that Tauriel and I were to be married, yes?” Kíli asked.

“I did,”

“And now you say it shall be Fíli and Tauriel?”

“Yes,”

“Uncle, we are begging you to reconsider. Fíli and Sigrid are courting already. We find out now that King Thranduil doesn’t care which of us Tauriel marries, and that the switch was entirely your doing. Why?”

“I have said it already, Kíli,” Thorin warned. “The alliance will be stronger if Tauriel is married to the heir to the throne,”

Tauriel felt her heart sinking as she took it in. She would not be able to marry the love of her life. 

“Would you separate a young couple solely for politics?” Kíli asked angrily.

Thorin sighed. “We have been through this argument already. If you have nothing new to say, then neither do I,”

Tauriel and Kíli glanced at each other in question, each of them nodding almost imperceptibly. Kíli took another deep breath and Tauriel looked at Sigrid’s encouraging face.

“Actually, we have some news for you,” Kíli said hesitantly. “Tauriel and I are courting,”

King Thorin’s eyebrows seemed to disappear underneath his bushy hair. There was an uncomfortably long silence, made all the more unbearable because of everyone’s gaze settled on her and Kíli.

“Courting. To be married,” King Thorin said. “I see,” he cocked his head. “Or rather, I don’t. None of you have a courting braid. For all I know, this could be a trap,”

“Uncle, think,” Kíli begged. “How could Fíli and Tauriel be betrothed and have their hair braided by another? That is why we have held off on the braiding,”

“I don’t…” King Thorin was at a loss for words. Bilbo stood up. 

“Thorin. A word, please,” he said, opening the door. The king obliged as though he was in a dream. As the door shut behind him, Tauriel slumped in her chair. The air was thick with tension, and nobody spoke a word.

Tauriel was never able to recall how long Bilbo spent talking to Thorin. Sometimes it felt like hours, sometimes it felt like they had barely left the room. In reality, they were talking for about a quarter hour when they came back in, a satisfied smirk on Bilbo’s face.

Thorin spoke. “I have heard today some very interesting and unexpected news,” he said, nodding towards the newest couple. “I would like it to be known that while I am still skeptical, I appear to have been overruled. Kíli, you and Tauriel may wed. Fíli, you may wed Sigrid,” he paused for a moment, his gaze lingering on each person in the room, and his expression softened. “I wish you all the very best,”

He left the room, along with Bilbo, and the two newly engaged couples sat in stunned silence. Fíli was the first to break it.

“It worked,” he said in an awed whisper.

Tauriel felt as though she was floating. There was a strange giddiness around her heart, one that she had never felt before. Kíli gripped her hand tightly as Fíli and Sigrid took their leave, hand in hand, presumably to braid each others’ hair and make the courtship official. Which, of course, is what she and Kíli were about to do.

He lifted her hand, pressing a soft kiss to her knuckle.

“ _ Amralime _ ,” he said. “Will you allow me to braid your hair?”

“I will,  _ meleth nin _ ,” she said, brushing a loose strand of hair from her face. He sat across from her, firmly grasping a small section of hair framing her face. Her stomach fluttered as he weaved her hair in intricate patterns, skin tingling every time his hand brushed over her skin.

“My hair is quite a bit longer than most dwarves,” she said. “I’m afraid it might take a little longer,”

“That’s okay,” Kíli said. “As long as I’m with you,”

Tauriel blushed, which is something she had done more in this single afternoon than in her entire life.

“When did you fall in love with me?” she asked, the word  _ love  _ sticking in her throat.

Kíli’s hands stilled. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I know you’ve liked me since we met,” she said, heart pounding as she feared she had said something wrong. “But when did you fall in love with me?”

Kíli was silent for a long, agonizing moment. Tauriel felt her heart race with worry. Any minute now he would say that he had never really fallen in love with her and had only said it because she had said it.

_ He said it first, _ she reminded herself. 

“I think it was the night we danced together,” he said slowly. “Only, it wasn’t the dance that made me realize it. I think I knew, for certain, when you had gotten Fíli and Sigrid to dance together,”

Tauriel cocked her head. “Why then?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I just knew,”

“That’s sweet,” she smiled.

They were silent for a few moments, then Kíli spoke.

“Now I’ll have someone to help me prank Fíli,”

“Yes you will,” Tauriel smiled. “Though I assume I’ll also fall victim to these pranks?”

“You got me,” he grinned. “Here, I’m done,”

Tauriel lifted her newly done braid, admiring the intricacies. 

“It’s nothing like an elven braid,” she said. “I like it,”

“Now it’s your turn,” he said, undoing the braids already in his hair and letting it flow freely over his shoulders.

Something in Tauriel’s chest hummed in approval. “I like your hair like this,”

Kíli’s cheeks darkened. “Thank you. But I’ll still need at least the one courting braid,”

“Do you ever take this out?” she asked, twisting her braid around her finger.

“Not in public,” he shook his head. “But you can rebraid it if you take it out. I only have to do it the first time,”

“Okay, let’s start,” she said, grasping a section of hair near the right side of his face. She weaved it as intricately as she knew how, trying to live up to his standards.

As she worked, they spoke of the wedding.

“What are the elven marriage colours?” he asked.

“Silver and gold. What about the dwarven colours?”

“Green and gold, so we do have a common colour,”

“How do you want to combine the colours?”

“Just do all three, no?” Kíli asked.

“That sounds like a solid plan. And what colour dress do you want me to wear?” she asked.

“Whatever colour you want?” he said, clearly confused by the question. Tauriel felt like kicking herself.

“It’s elven custom for the groom to choose the bride’s dress,” she explained.

“Do you want me to choose?”

“Maybe you could choose the colour, and I’ll choose the style,”

“If that’s what you want,” Kíli smiled. “Do you want a silver dress?”

“The dresses don’t have to be silver. They can be whatever colour the groom prefers,” Tauriel explained again.

“Ah, okay. Then uh...how about dark green? You look amazing in dark green,”

She smiled. “Okay, dark green it is. And you’re done,” she said, studying her handiwork with a critical glance.

Kíli looked in a small mirror. “It’s perfect,” he said.

“Really?” she asked anxiously. “Because I know it’s not similar to dwarven braids and I’m sure you always envisioned-”

“Tauriel,” Kíli cut her off. “It’s exactly what I wanted,”

Tauriel felt her heart skip a beat at the sight of him with her braid in his hair.

“I take it back,” she said. “ _ This _ is how I like your hair,”

“Well, fortunately for you, this is how my hair will be now that I’m courting. Try to keep your hands off me in public,” he winked.

Tauriel rolled her eyes and smacked him lightly. 

“Hey!” he protested.

“You deserved it,”

“Yes I did,” he grinned. 

Tauriel smiled, knowing full well that this was the happiest she had been in her life.


End file.
